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New Anti-terrorist security measure: Santa’s List.

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Allegedly leaked picture of Santa being tortured by the US forces at Guantanamo in order to get his files for air flight passenger screening.

Allegedly leaked picture of Santa being tortured by the US forces at Guantanamo in order to get his files for air flight passenger screening.

Washington, DC,  December 16th, 2007 (Reuters).- The US goverment unveiled today a new anti-terror security measurement that, according to Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, will enable officials to spot any passangers that might pose a terrorist threat to the USA air travel system; the use of Santa’s list and all his files.

The list, Chertoff assured, will allow the US security agents to find out who has been naughy or nice.The new security measurement will have potential passangers pre-screened, and checked twice. They will also have their records checked to find out what kind of toys they asked for when they were children. Air rifles, cowboy guns and little army men will allow the airline to either decline service to the passanger in question, or change his destination to Abu Ghabu, at the airlines discretion.

When confronted with questions about the rumors that Santa’s list and files had been obtained throught torture techniques, Chertoff answered: “The Supreme Court has ruled that the North Pole, like Guantanamo, doesn’t fall under the jurisdiction of the United States, and as such, their individuals aren’t entitled to the protection of its laws. Nevertheless, the US government has never resorted to nor will ever resort again to any kind of torture technique, which we throuroughly condemn. ”
The measurement, he added, is only the first step to a more complete security program that will keep America safe. “By 2010, cameras will have been installed in every home in America. We will see you when you’re sleeping. We will know when you’re awake. We’ll know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.”
 
When confronted with the complaints of individual rights watch groups, Chertoff commented “You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I’m telling you why: Terrorists are comin’ to town.”

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