The Press Posted in the Tribune Times

Funny news, trivia news, ironic news, sarcastic news and news news.

Violence arises in former Soviet territory

with 7 comments

Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Tskhinvali, Georgia, August 9th, 2008.- In a show of brute force tinted with political colors, Russia sent tanks into the contested province of South Ossetia and bombed with warplanes the Georgian town of Gori, escalating a conflict that could involve several nations.

The conflict started Friday night, when Georgia (NO, NOT THE US STATE) pounded the provincial capital of South Ossetia, Tskhinvali, with heavy artillery and rocket fire.

Russia’s prime minister Vladimir Putin, accused Georgia of “complete genocide.” “The actions of the Georgian powers in South Ossetia are, of course, a crime against its people.  We promise that our response will be much worse.”

In a movement that president Dmitry Medvedev called the “liberation of South Ossetia by peace keeping Russian forces,” Russian tanks and warplanes escalated the war by invading Tskhinvali and engaging the Georgian forces, as well as bombing the Georgian town of Gori, which has nothing to do with the conflict.

Russian ambassador to NATO, Dmitry Rogozin, declared, “Mission accomplished. 98% of Tskhinvali is in ruins, but the 2% that still stands is free to join the Russian Federation, whether they like it or not.”

Soon later, Georgia’s president Mikhail Saakashvili told reporters, “we can’t fight back the Russians, not with the bulk of our troops tied up in Iraq,” referring to the 3,000 Georgian troops, who, despite not speaking English, are fighting in the US led coalition in Iraq.

George Bush, who was attending the Beijing games, interrupted his martini break and declared “the Georgian troops must not pull out of Iraq to fight in their homeland. If they don’t fight the terrorists there, they will have to fight them in their homeland.”

When asked if the US would come to help his ally who has the third largest troop count in Iraq, Bush mumbled something about “not enough oil.” “Besides, this is all the Russian president’s fault because he invaded a country without international approval.”

On hearing those comments, president Medvedev replied “did not.” “Did too” ended Bush.

On a related note, several American students organizations organized protests all over the country. “We’re fed up with these invasions. They just make our teachers force us to learn names and capitals of countries we’ve never heard about. I mean, who can remember ‘Tskhinvali’ or ‘Medvedev’ in an exam?” said 10 year old student Bart Simpson.

7 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog.

    Tim Ramsey

    Tim Ramsey

    August 10, 2008 at 6:40 am

  2. American and english mass media are lying to people. Lying because they show information in a way that is favourable to them. They say that russians are killing innocent georgian people without any reason etc.
    But they somehow forgot to mention some little details, like following:
    07.08.2008 (August 7th) at 22:00 Georgia has attacked South Ossetia. At 3:30 08.08.2008 tanks of the Georgian armies have entered city Tskhinvali. Artillery bombardment all the day long proceeded, fights with use of tanks and heavy combat material, both against ossetic armies, and against peace inhabitants were conducted. 1400 civil people already were lost – thanks to Georgia. The Russian peacemakers have arrived to South Ossetia in the evening 08.08.2008 for settlement of the conflict and prompting of the world in republic and protection of the Russian citizens living on territory of South Ossetia. Georgia has attacked South Ossetia on eve of Olympiad, it is top of cruelty and cynicism. Proofs and video-materials look on : , , , , , ,
    One more small detail: South Ossetia belongs to Georgia (officially) and The Northern Ossetia belongs to the Russian Federation. This two parts were divided from ONE UNIQUE country by force after the USSR destruction. One nation (ossetians) live there. Georgians began TO KILL innocent people without warning – just like they wanted to play with lives of ossetians.
    Do not take false information about this war as a truth by default.
    PS. Pleasy sorry me for some orphographical mistakes (if they are here).


    August 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  3. Thank you, I’m glad someone’s reading it. hehehe.


    August 11, 2008 at 3:43 am

  4. Funny news band, thank you. Unfortunately, your blog will be read mostly by Russians these days due to the war in South Ossetia.

    As you may be aware from the previous post, a violent information war has been waged between the West and Russia, so Russian bloggers are an inseparable part of it (so am I :)). As this war started, we Russians have discovered that information war may be more efficient than ehh… Tzar Wars. :))

    (fyi: Dmitri Rogozin, a Russian Ambassador to NATO never said these words about “98%”, “2%”, about “whether they like it or not” – it is simply not true. He just mentioned the fully destroyed city that was regained by Russian troops).

    Anyway, I liked your blog, you have a good sense of humour (I wish you put more info about Mexico, as I’m a fan of it).

    All the best to you,



    August 15, 2008 at 8:56 pm

  5. I like that my blog is read by people from different nationalities. I don’t see why it being read by mostly Russians would be “unfortunatly.” On the contrary. Очин хорошо!

    Dmitry just mentioned the “98%” destruction, according to the original news article I read. The rest if my fabrication for funny purposes, just like Michael Phelps never said he races against dolphins, and none of the questions and answers of the Britney Spears interview happened. I think it’s pretty clear that my blog is meant to be funny and it shouldn’t be taken seriously, although it gives you an idea of what has been happening lately.

    I do write articles about Mexico, я Мексиканет. However, they are in Spanish since they are read by Mexican people. You can click on the right of my blog in “noticias de México” to get them.

    Я учу Русски Язик. Я гаварю па Русски нимнога. However, as you can see, my level is still very very low and I need a lot of time to write one small sentence.



    August 17, 2008 at 2:42 am

  6. flippyman, que bueno que te gusta el idioma ruso. Si quieres yo te ayudo en tus estudios.



    August 25, 2008 at 9:05 am

  7. Muchas gracias, sería muy agradable y de mucha ayuda ya que aquí no hay mucha gente con quien practicar.


    August 25, 2008 at 2:25 pm

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: