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Archive for the ‘November 2008’ Category

Michael Jackson sued by Arab Sheikh.

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The artist also said he's tired of all the Michael-Jackson-picking-his-nose jokes.

The artist also declared he's tired of all the Michael-Jackson-picks-his-nose jokes. "Oh, just beat it, will ya?" he said.

London, UK, November 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- Pop star, Michael Jackson is being sued again, this time by an Arab Sheikh prince from the totally unheard kingdom of Bahrain.

The Sheikh prince, whose short name is Abdulla Bin Hamad Al Khalifa Mohammed Hussein Barack, claims he gave Michael Jackson 7 million American dollars, 2 white limousines, 3 golden watches with “Jackson” engraved in them and 543 virgins from his personal harem, in exchange of 25 minutes of quality time and a couple of rounds of Rock Band, which Michael Jackson never delivered.

“The word is out, he’s doing wrong, we’re going to lock him up, before too long,” said the Shiekh’s lawyer, describing Michael Jackson’s end of the bargain as bad.

Michael Jackson, who defines his race as black or white, claims he’s innocent, and he thought the money he received from the Sheikh was just small change to pay for petty expenses, like paving his Never-Ever-Again ranch with golden bricks.

“He clearly doesn’t remember the time when he said it was a gift,” said Michael Jackson to the press. “And now he says I’m the one who will dance on the floor in a round.”

The King of Pop also claimed he’s always the target of opportunistic people who try to take advantage of him in order to get money. “People always told me, be careful who you love, be careful what you do, ’cause the lie becomes the truth,” lamented the singer.

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Paula Abdul fan was found dead near Paula Abdul’s house. “This proves Paula is more damaging than I am”: Simon.

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Los Angeles, CA, November 14th, 2008, (Reuters).- A fan of Paula Abdul was found dead in a car just

The incident promted a new format for the program that will try to avoid more suicides.

The incident prompted a new format for the program that will try to avoid more suicides.

3 feet away from the judge’s house.

Ed Winterwonderland, from the Los Angeles County Department of Coroner explained the incident to the press, “We found the body in a car and we still don’t know the cause of death, although the 4 empty jars of valium might suspect an overdose. By the way, have I told you that I can sing a terrific version of Britney Spear’s ‘Toxic’?”

Paula Goodspeed had appeared in season 275 of American Idol, where she sang her own classical-retro-rap British version of “Proud Mary”, to which Simon commented, “that was shameful, Jesus!”. Paula, on the other hand, had said “you’re unique,” and she never clarified if she meant it as a compliment or an insult.

Regarding the tragic incident, American Idol producer Simon Fuller commented, “We are indeed sad about this tragedy, but we remain hopeful that the event will actually increase our ratings.”

Paula Abdul said she was saddened by the incident, “Even I must admit that wasn’t her best performance.” Simon, in contrast, was rather judgmental on the ex-contestant, “I used to think people at least knew how to commit suicide decently.”

Hillary Clinton tries to be selected Obama’s Secretary of State. “She should continue to work in politics, otherwise she’d come home”: Bill.

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Hillary is already grooming Chelsea for a future political carreer. "I'll get a Clinton woman on the White House office even if that's the last thing I do," said Hillary, forgetting that Bill had done that plenty of times before.

Hillary is already grooming Chelsea for a future political carreer. "I'll get a woman into the White House, even if it's the last thing I do," said Hillary, forgetting that Bill had done it many times already.

Washington, D.C., November 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her intention to have a place in the current administration. Since she can no longer try for the president, vice-president or first lady position, she declared she wanted to be Secretary of State.

She spoke to the press about her qualifications and credentials in several areas, “I became a very hard working person since the day I realized that, like most Washington women, sleeping with Bill Clinton didn’t earn me anything. I also want to be an example for all those young kids who don’t know what work means. They think it’s a four-letter work,” said the Senator. “I also have experience. I have been tested many times. You never know what Bill might have brought home.”

Among other things, she said she has the experience to handle the economic crisis. “As I showed in my primary campaign, I have experience solving great problems, such as the economy. I will help set the conditions so that banks can flush money into businesses. I might even get a loan to pay my campaign debt. By the way, we are going to take away things from you on behalf of the common good.”

Bill Clinton also commented on his wife: “From my own experience I can tell you that she doesn’t go down without a fight.”

Election fever refuses to die. Lindsay Lohan continues to support Barack Obama.

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New York, NY, November 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- Even after the election ended with a certain victory of

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

 Democratic Barack Obama, people with little or no life continue the election fever, supporting either president-elect Obama, or Governor Sarah Palin.

Lindsay Lohan continues to make declarations about her support for Barack Obamahim, much to the dismay of the president-elect, who would rather not be associated with her. “It’s worse than being linked with Ayers,” said the president-elect according to a source close to him who asked to remain anonymous (Michelle told us).

In her latest gaffe, Lindsay Lohan spoke in an interview with Maria Menounos in “Access Hollywood,” about her experience during Election Day. “It was really exiting, all the boys and the booze and the girls. It was an amazing feeling. It’s our first colored president.”

In other news, Sarah Palin was offered 2 million dollars for starring on a porn movie. Porn film director Cezar Capone included an extra $100,000 dollars and a brand new snowmobile if Todd is willing to co-start the picture.

Palin declined the offer, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s unethical, immoral, opportunistic, indecent and against all the values and things I believe in. Besides, I save more than that in the lawyer and the trips that the state of Alaska pays for me and my family.”

Secret service releases to the public the secret codenames of the Obamas and the Bidens.

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Washington, D.C., November 11th, 2008, (Reuters).- The United States Secret Service released today

Secret service agents risk their lifes for the good of the country. They also have to disguise themselves according to the occasion. In the picture, Secret agents prepared for the last visit of John Paul II.

Secret service agents risk their lives for the good of the country. They also have to disguise themselves according to the occasion. In the picture, Secret agents prepared for the last visit of John Paul II.

the secret codenames of every member of the Obama and Biden families.

“We figured it would be faster for our agents to learn them if we just posted them on internet and they could look at it whenever they needed. We hope it greatly reduces calls asking questions like ‘What is a code 97 again?’ or ‘is red fish the tall guy or the bald guy?'” said US Secret Service Director, Mark J. Sullivan.

All the Obama family members have secret code names that start with “R”. Initially, they were going to be identified with “N” words, but the Secret Service changed them in order to avoid controversy.

President-elect Obama will be referred in Secret Service agents’ walkie-talkies as “Renegade.” Because he’s “never been afraid to say what’s on his mind at any given time of day,” explained Sullivan. “Michelle Obama is secret coded as “Renaissance”, because for the first time in her life, she will be proud of her country.”

Unlike the Obamas, the Bidens’ secret codes start with the letter “C”. “Joe Biden’s secret codename is ‘Celtic’, due to his similarity with the Boston basketball team’s long but not so glamorous record. On the other hand, his wife Jill is codenamed ‘Capri’ because she’s old, well built and convertible,” finished Sullivan.

Mama Africa dies after singing Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

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Castel Volturno, Italy, November 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Mama Africa, also known as Miram Makeba

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

died shortly of a heart attack, after singing her famous song Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

She was banished from South Africa in the 60’s for speaking against the apartheid system in South Africa, and lived and performed in Europe, the USA, Latin America and some African countries, specially Guinea, before being allowed to return 30 years later, when Mandela came to power and the racist white regime crumbled.

We repost one of her rare interviews that she gave in 1970.

Q: Why did you visit Guinea’s president Ahmed Sekou Toure in Conakry?
A: African convention.

Q: What will you do now that you’ve been banished from South Africa?
A: I shall sing.

Q: What does your success in the US mean?
A: Goodbye poverty.

Q: What is your opinion of Hendrik Frensch Verwoerd?
A: Chicken.

Q: What do you think should be done about apartheid?
A: Quit it.

Q: Do you think black Africans can make such a change?
A: We got to make it.

Despite Bush’s promise of a smooth transition, Bush’s First Dog bites reporter.

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Washington, D.C., November 8th 2008, (Reuters).- After the promise of Bush of a smooth

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, speaks about the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations."

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, explains the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations," he barked.

transition and his pledge to do whatever he can to help the president-elect, Barack Obama, an incident spelled trouble for both teams: Barney, Bush’s First Dog, bit White House reporter Jonathan Black’n’Decker.

Aides of the president on condition of anonymity told the press that Barney had been becoming a rogue lately, and refusing to following orders.

Black’n’Decker interviewed himself about the incident.

“He seemed nice and friendly, but he suddenly became very angry and vicious, much like McCain does. I don’t know what happened to him (the First Dog). It might have been the Republican defeat of last Tuesday, the fact that he’s going to be replaced as First Dog of America or that I had eaten bacon for breakfast and didn’t wash my hands,” Black’n’Decker answered himself to a question he had asked himself about the reasons of the incident.

The White House denied any ill will or bad intentions from the First Dog. “It was just a pre-emptive attack in order to protect the integrity of the First Dog, which then became an effort to liberate Jonathan Black’n’Decker. In any case, we consider it as ‘mission accomplished,'” said White House veterinarian Richard Tubb.