The Press Posted in the Tribune Times

Funny news, trivia news, ironic news, sarcastic news and news news.

Archive for the ‘November 2008’ Category

First task of Obama’s newly appointed Chief of Staff: Help the president-elect select a First Dog.

leave a comment »

Washington, D.C., Nov, 7th, 2008 (Reuters).- Obama’s first choice of staff as president-elect was to

Despite his status as the war hero who shot down the Red Baron of Germany, Snoopy was disqualified for his closeness to McCain.

Despite his status as the war hero who shot down the Red Baron of Germany, Snoopy was disqualified because of his closeness to McCain.

select a Chief of Staff. He reached out to Rep. Rahm Emanuel, a congressman representing Illinois.

Now, Emanuel is charged with the most pressing issue of the post-election transition: Selecting the White House’s First Dog.

There are several criteria for selecting the First Dog, according to the guidelines that the president-elect gave Emanuel.

a) It has to be hypoallergenic because his daughter is hypochondriac.

b) He’d rather have a shelter dog, but the problem is that shelter dogs are usually mutts, like Obama. If possible, he’d rather have a purebreed, like Michelle.

c) It can’t be a pitbull.

d) If it’s a female, it can’t wear lipstick and it will be operated in order to avoid the female dog getting suddely pregnant.

Several dogs have been sending their résumés to Emanuel’s office, including Kripto, Scooby-Doo, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie and the whole litter of 101 Dalmatians, in the hopes of being chosen as First Dog.

In another news, Obama also answered a reporter during a press conference, who asked him if he had spoken to previous presidents.

“I have spoken with all living presidents,” the president-elect replied, “It’s kinda hard to speak with the ones who have already died. I didn’t want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing seances, but I might if I ever feel like asking Franklin Roosevelt for ideas for a New New Deal.”


Obama answers questions in press conference after victory.

with 2 comments

Washington, D.C., November 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a press conference, president-elect Barack

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Obama answered several questions about the post-campaign and the way his administration will be handled.

Q: Mr. President elect, do you think you and senator John McCain will be able to overcome your differences and work together for the sake of the nation?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you and the Clintons work together to smooth differences within the Democratic party?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Will you and Biden be able to prepare a Cabinet and a team before you arrive to the White House?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Are the American people going to recover from this economic crisis?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can the US become again, not only a superpower, but a country admired by its values and principles?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think we can achieve victory in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think it’s possible for the US and our allies to dismantle Iran’s nuclear program?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you work with Governor Palin as an advisor?
A: Ah… No, we can not.

Yes, We Can.

with one comment

(Today’s post was written by guest writer, Monica Rix Paxson, co-writer of Benjamin Franklin award

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

winning book “Dead Mars, Dying Earth,” who was reporting from Chicago’s Grant Park on the day of the election.)


Yes We Did and I Was There

Chicago, IL, November 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- For a week I’d been telling everyone I spoke to that they really shouldn’t miss it, that they should be at Chicago’s Grant Park on the night of the election; that they should be there for the party of the century. “It’s something that your grandchildren will talk about — that you were there the night Barack Obama won.”

To me, it was obvious. It was like the opportunity to be there when Lincoln read the Gettysburg Address, or when Martin Luther King spoke at the Lincoln Monument. For the rest of my life I will be able to say to anyone who was there, “Do you remember the night Obama won?” and they will smile and say, “How could I forget?”

People, tens of thousands of us, burst from subways and busses to converge in the park, yelling, chanting and laughing as we marched to the blare of car horns and sirens, hearts thrumming, shaking hands and hugging strangers. We couldn’t believe it! Barack Obama was ahead! All our efforts, all of our money, all of our votes: Could it have made a difference?

It was literally too much to hope for, even in the face of the evidence. In fact, when we learned that McCain was conceding, the reality of the victory dawned slowly. We’d won? We’d actually won? Was Barack Obama going to be our next President? It took a while to process the reality that this phenomenal man had actually led us to victory by mustering a level of organization that rivaled that of any military operation. He had delivered us.

As we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching our new leader on the Videotron, his voice echoed off the high rises on the other side of Michigan Avenue’s wide expanse. Yes we can! Yes. Yes. Yes we can. It was a miracle under the clear night sky. A black man will be our leader. A black woman will be our first lady. A peaceful revolution has taken place and the future of America has been transformed. Our starved ideals and aspirations are nourished once again. Finally, after all this time, there is hope.

I was riding the bus home when my phone indicated that a text message had just arrived.

“Date: 11/5/2008 1:32am

We just made history. All of this happened because you gave your time, talent and passion to this campaign. All of this happened because of you. Thanks. Barack”

You are welcome Mr. President.

More fictional characters jump in the bandwagon. Linus supports Obama, Lucy supports Palin, Charlie Brown undecided.

leave a comment »

To read this article in Italian, go here. Per leggere questo articolo in italiano, vai qui:

(Translation courtesy of Fede)

Peanuts, USA, November 3rd, 2008, (Reuters).- Just one day before the election, more fictional

Linus van Pelt declaring his support for the Democratic candidate. "Obama is the security blanket of America."

Linus van Pelt declaring his support for the Democratic candidate. "Obama is the security blanket of America," he said.

characters showed their support for their candidates. This time, it was the peanuts gang that declared their political preferences.

Famous philosopher and founder of the Great Pumpkin Church, Linus Van Pelt spoke about his support for Democratic Candidate Barack Obama, “In this time of crisis and uncertanty, we all need something to hold on, to feel steady, to give us security. Obama is America’s security Blanket.”

On contrast, his sister and female heavyweight boxing  champion and author of several self-help books, such as the best seller “Life’s a kick, that’ll be 5 cents please”, Lucy Van Pelt, declared that she supported Sarah Palin, “It’s time that we had a woman up there with values and character and willing to show men what we’re capable of. ”

Finally, Charlie Brown who works as a barber’s assistant in the barbershop that his father used to own hasn’t taken a position yet, “Aaaaaaaaaaargh, I just can’t stand it, it’s too much pressure. I mean, I would like to be informed and vote, but somehow I never know what’s going on, Good grief!”