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Archive for the ‘News 2008’ Category

Election fever refuses to die. Lindsay Lohan continues to support Barack Obama.

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New York, NY, November 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- Even after the election ended with a certain victory of

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

 Democratic Barack Obama, people with little or no life continue the election fever, supporting either president-elect Obama, or Governor Sarah Palin.

Lindsay Lohan continues to make declarations about her support for Barack Obamahim, much to the dismay of the president-elect, who would rather not be associated with her. “It’s worse than being linked with Ayers,” said the president-elect according to a source close to him who asked to remain anonymous (Michelle told us).

In her latest gaffe, Lindsay Lohan spoke in an interview with Maria Menounos in “Access Hollywood,” about her experience during Election Day. “It was really exiting, all the boys and the booze and the girls. It was an amazing feeling. It’s our first colored president.”

In other news, Sarah Palin was offered 2 million dollars for starring on a porn movie. Porn film director Cezar Capone included an extra $100,000 dollars and a brand new snowmobile if Todd is willing to co-start the picture.

Palin declined the offer, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s unethical, immoral, opportunistic, indecent and against all the values and things I believe in. Besides, I save more than that in the lawyer and the trips that the state of Alaska pays for me and my family.”

Secret service releases to the public the secret codenames of the Obamas and the Bidens.

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Washington, D.C., November 11th, 2008, (Reuters).- The United States Secret Service released today

Secret service agents risk their lifes for the good of the country. They also have to disguise themselves according to the occasion. In the picture, Secret agents prepared for the last visit of John Paul II.

Secret service agents risk their lives for the good of the country. They also have to disguise themselves according to the occasion. In the picture, Secret agents prepared for the last visit of John Paul II.

the secret codenames of every member of the Obama and Biden families.

“We figured it would be faster for our agents to learn them if we just posted them on internet and they could look at it whenever they needed. We hope it greatly reduces calls asking questions like ‘What is a code 97 again?’ or ‘is red fish the tall guy or the bald guy?'” said US Secret Service Director, Mark J. Sullivan.

All the Obama family members have secret code names that start with “R”. Initially, they were going to be identified with “N” words, but the Secret Service changed them in order to avoid controversy.

President-elect Obama will be referred in Secret Service agents’ walkie-talkies as “Renegade.” Because he’s “never been afraid to say what’s on his mind at any given time of day,” explained Sullivan. “Michelle Obama is secret coded as “Renaissance”, because for the first time in her life, she will be proud of her country.”

Unlike the Obamas, the Bidens’ secret codes start with the letter “C”. “Joe Biden’s secret codename is ‘Celtic’, due to his similarity with the Boston basketball team’s long but not so glamorous record. On the other hand, his wife Jill is codenamed ‘Capri’ because she’s old, well built and convertible,” finished Sullivan.

Mama Africa dies after singing Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

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Castel Volturno, Italy, November 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Mama Africa, also known as Miram Makeba

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

died shortly of a heart attack, after singing her famous song Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

She was banished from South Africa in the 60’s for speaking against the apartheid system in South Africa, and lived and performed in Europe, the USA, Latin America and some African countries, specially Guinea, before being allowed to return 30 years later, when Mandela came to power and the racist white regime crumbled.

We repost one of her rare interviews that she gave in 1970.

Q: Why did you visit Guinea’s president Ahmed Sekou Toure in Conakry?
A: African convention.

Q: What will you do now that you’ve been banished from South Africa?
A: I shall sing.

Q: What does your success in the US mean?
A: Goodbye poverty.

Q: What is your opinion of Hendrik Frensch Verwoerd?
A: Chicken.

Q: What do you think should be done about apartheid?
A: Quit it.

Q: Do you think black Africans can make such a change?
A: We got to make it.

Despite Bush’s promise of a smooth transition, Bush’s First Dog bites reporter.

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Washington, D.C., November 8th 2008, (Reuters).- After the promise of Bush of a smooth

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, speaks about the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations."

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, explains the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations," he barked.

transition and his pledge to do whatever he can to help the president-elect, Barack Obama, an incident spelled trouble for both teams: Barney, Bush’s First Dog, bit White House reporter Jonathan Black’n’Decker.

Aides of the president on condition of anonymity told the press that Barney had been becoming a rogue lately, and refusing to following orders.

Black’n’Decker interviewed himself about the incident.

“He seemed nice and friendly, but he suddenly became very angry and vicious, much like McCain does. I don’t know what happened to him (the First Dog). It might have been the Republican defeat of last Tuesday, the fact that he’s going to be replaced as First Dog of America or that I had eaten bacon for breakfast and didn’t wash my hands,” Black’n’Decker answered himself to a question he had asked himself about the reasons of the incident.

The White House denied any ill will or bad intentions from the First Dog. “It was just a pre-emptive attack in order to protect the integrity of the First Dog, which then became an effort to liberate Jonathan Black’n’Decker. In any case, we consider it as ‘mission accomplished,'” said White House veterinarian Richard Tubb.

First task of Obama’s newly appointed Chief of Staff: Help the president-elect select a First Dog.

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Washington, D.C., Nov, 7th, 2008 (Reuters).- Obama’s first choice of staff as president-elect was to

Despite his status as the war hero who shot down the Red Baron of Germany, Snoopy was disqualified for his closeness to McCain.

Despite his status as the war hero who shot down the Red Baron of Germany, Snoopy was disqualified because of his closeness to McCain.

select a Chief of Staff. He reached out to Rep. Rahm Emanuel, a congressman representing Illinois.

Now, Emanuel is charged with the most pressing issue of the post-election transition: Selecting the White House’s First Dog.

There are several criteria for selecting the First Dog, according to the guidelines that the president-elect gave Emanuel.

a) It has to be hypoallergenic because his daughter is hypochondriac.

b) He’d rather have a shelter dog, but the problem is that shelter dogs are usually mutts, like Obama. If possible, he’d rather have a purebreed, like Michelle.

c) It can’t be a pitbull.

d) If it’s a female, it can’t wear lipstick and it will be operated in order to avoid the female dog getting suddely pregnant.

Several dogs have been sending their résumés to Emanuel’s office, including Kripto, Scooby-Doo, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie and the whole litter of 101 Dalmatians, in the hopes of being chosen as First Dog.

In another news, Obama also answered a reporter during a press conference, who asked him if he had spoken to previous presidents.

“I have spoken with all living presidents,” the president-elect replied, “It’s kinda hard to speak with the ones who have already died. I didn’t want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing seances, but I might if I ever feel like asking Franklin Roosevelt for ideas for a New New Deal.”

Obama answers questions in press conference after victory.

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Washington, D.C., November 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a press conference, president-elect Barack

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Obama answered several questions about the post-campaign and the way his administration will be handled.

Q: Mr. President elect, do you think you and senator John McCain will be able to overcome your differences and work together for the sake of the nation?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you and the Clintons work together to smooth differences within the Democratic party?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Will you and Biden be able to prepare a Cabinet and a team before you arrive to the White House?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Are the American people going to recover from this economic crisis?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can the US become again, not only a superpower, but a country admired by its values and principles?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think we can achieve victory in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think it’s possible for the US and our allies to dismantle Iran’s nuclear program?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you work with Governor Palin as an advisor?
A: Ah… No, we can not.

Yes, We Can.

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(Today’s post was written by guest writer, Monica Rix Paxson, co-writer of Benjamin Franklin award

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

winning book “Dead Mars, Dying Earth,” who was reporting from Chicago’s Grant Park on the day of the election.)

YES, WE CAN.

Yes We Did and I Was There

Chicago, IL, November 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- For a week I’d been telling everyone I spoke to that they really shouldn’t miss it, that they should be at Chicago’s Grant Park on the night of the election; that they should be there for the party of the century. “It’s something that your grandchildren will talk about — that you were there the night Barack Obama won.”

To me, it was obvious. It was like the opportunity to be there when Lincoln read the Gettysburg Address, or when Martin Luther King spoke at the Lincoln Monument. For the rest of my life I will be able to say to anyone who was there, “Do you remember the night Obama won?” and they will smile and say, “How could I forget?”

People, tens of thousands of us, burst from subways and busses to converge in the park, yelling, chanting and laughing as we marched to the blare of car horns and sirens, hearts thrumming, shaking hands and hugging strangers. We couldn’t believe it! Barack Obama was ahead! All our efforts, all of our money, all of our votes: Could it have made a difference?

It was literally too much to hope for, even in the face of the evidence. In fact, when we learned that McCain was conceding, the reality of the victory dawned slowly. We’d won? We’d actually won? Was Barack Obama going to be our next President? It took a while to process the reality that this phenomenal man had actually led us to victory by mustering a level of organization that rivaled that of any military operation. He had delivered us.

As we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching our new leader on the Videotron, his voice echoed off the high rises on the other side of Michigan Avenue’s wide expanse. Yes we can! Yes. Yes. Yes we can. It was a miracle under the clear night sky. A black man will be our leader. A black woman will be our first lady. A peaceful revolution has taken place and the future of America has been transformed. Our starved ideals and aspirations are nourished once again. Finally, after all this time, there is hope.

I was riding the bus home when my phone indicated that a text message had just arrived.

“Date: 11/5/2008 1:32am

We just made history. All of this happened because you gave your time, talent and passion to this campaign. All of this happened because of you. Thanks. Barack”

You are welcome Mr. President.