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Blog author takes vacation. Readers organize a demonstration.

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Mexico City, Mexico, September 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- As of today, the

All the readers of this blog marching through Mexico City's downtown.

All the readers of this blog marching through Mexico City

author of this blog is taking some vacations to see if he can come up with fresh ideas.

Readers of this blog staged a demonstration in Mexico City’s downtown, to protest for the interruption of this blog. It was a unique demostration as they promissed not to do it again.

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Written by Flippyman

September 6, 2008 at 6:31 am

Gustav sideswipes New Orleans. Bush: “Response is much better than Katrina.”

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New Orleans, LA, September 1st, 2008, (Reuters).- President Bush declared

Bush, and McCain, who is NOT his friend, bought the people from New Orleans a cake to cheer them up. "Now they can have their cake and eat it too," said Bush.

Bush, and McCain, who is NOT his friend, bought the people from New Orleans a cake to cheer them up. "Now they can have their cake and eat it too," said Bush.

that the government had responded a lot better to Hurricane Gustav than it did to deadly Hurricane Katrina, which obliterated the Gulf Coast 3 years ago.

“The coordination on this storm is a lot better than on – during Katrina. All the oil plataforms are safe,” said Bush as he shaked hands with emergency workers and posed for pictures.

“The federal government is very much involved in helping the states. Our job is to assist, unlike the guys that handled the Katrina disaster, who did a flood of a job,” added Bush. Later on, he met recently appointed FEMA director David Paulison and told him, “Paulie, you’re doing a hell of a job, unlike that Brownie guy.”

New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin also spoke to the media, “I was hoping that this would happen, that we would be able to stand before America, before everyone and say that we had success, unlike the mayor that handled Katrina.”

“We took some heavy measures,” further explained Nagin. “We evacuated the people with much more anticipation. That was easy as there were still a lot of homeless people from the Katrina disaster still living in cars or mobile homes. We also stopped giving buses to schools and we painted them gray, instead of yellow so we could use them in disasters.”

Regarding the preparations for hurricane Hanna-Barbera, which is expected to reach the US this week, Nagin commented, “Give us a break, they go from giving us three years to three days to prepare. It almost makes believe global warming really exists.”

Written by Flippyman

September 2, 2008 at 6:54 am

Help wanted ad for nanny: “My kids are a pain.”

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Springfield, God knows where, August 30th, 2008, (Reuters).- It was an

Lucille Botzkowski was the only one brave enough to take on the Simpson children

Lucille Botzkowski was the only one brave enough to take on the Simpson's children

unusually honest ad from a blue high-haired woman, for a live-in nanny, a 1,000-word tome beginning, “My kids are a pain.” But it worked, attracting a brave soul who’s never worked as a nanny before.

“If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don’t even bother replying,” Marjorie Bouvier Simpson, a mother of three in the suburbs of Springfield,  wrote August 25th in her advertisement on Craiglist.

“They can be a tad difficult to work for. Specially the boy, he’s loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure.”

Simpsons, a 38-year-old housewife whose husband works as a safety supervisor in a nuclear plant, eventually hired Lucille Botzkowski, a 50-year-old recently released inmate to take care of Bartholomew, 10, Lisa Marie, 8 and Margaret, 1. 

“I made a commitment to stay in the job for at least a year,” Botzkowski told the Times. “I met the oldest child, but not the others, which my lawyer said was crazy — to accept the job without meeting all the kids. So we’ll see.” She noted that one of the pluses is that the children are all in school for several hours each day.

Meanwhile, Simpson told the Times: “I hope she likes it here. I sent the ad to one of my old sitters and she said she felt it was pretty accurate, which sort of stung a little bit.”

Written by Flippyman

August 31, 2008 at 6:57 am

Illegal immigrants invited to turn themselves in.

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Jose, Pancho and Juan take a nap at the cold ICE building while waiting for their self-deportation to be approved.

Jose, Pancho and Juan take a nap at the cold ICE building while waiting for their self-deportation to be approved.

Santa Ana, CA, August 5th, 2008, (Reuters). – Wanted: Illegal immigrants with clean records who have ignored court orders to leave the country. Immigration officials are standing by to help you leave the country. No jail. No joke. Really, it’s not a joke. No, c’mon, seriously.

 

 

 

 

The invitation surprisingly drew hardly any takers Tuesday on the first day of a new federal self-deportation program that offered illegal immigrants the chance to turn themselves in, get their affairs in order and leave the country without being detained.

 

The tepid response only reinforced laughs from both sides of the immigration debate.

 

“¡Ay, caramba!, yoo woold have to bee crazee. Whoo woold want to toorn themselves een?” said Angel Martinez, a construction worker who also takes the garbage from the office, as he cleaned laughter tears from his eyes and cheeks.

 

“Nobodee wants to go back,” said Martinez, who came to the U.S. illegally 15 years ago from Mexico City as he prepared chile con carne in the kitchen. “Wee reesked evereetheeng to get heere for a reeson.”

 

The self-deportation program from the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is part of the agency’s new Scheduled Departure Program. It could be expanded if successful.

 

The expansions that are being considered include:

 

a) Self-beating program. Illegal immigrants would be able to select the form and instrument of beating, from a government approved catalog.

 

b) Self-incarceration  program. Illegal immigrants would be able to handcuff and shove themselves in the patrol car, and in some cases, select cellmates. This program is specially aimed at whole illegal families so they wouldn’t have to be separated.

 

c) Self-discrimination program. Illegal immigrants would be able to choose what public services they wouldn’t have access to, like health care, education or cantina access.

 

 

Ohio inmate says he’s too fat for execution

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Wentworth as he was hearing his sentence. His comments on it were "hey, hey, hey."

 

COLUMBUS, Ohio, August 4th, 2008, (Reuters).- A death row inmate scheduled for execution says he’s too fat to be put to death, claiming executioners would have trouble finding his veins and that his weight could diminish the effectiveness of the lethal injection drug.

 

 

 

 

 

Wenthworth, 18, is sentenced to die for burning down the Ohio State Library and the 5 books in it in 1986. The Ohio State football team was specially upset as they hadn’t colored in two of the books yet. His execution is scheduled for Oct. 14.

 

 

 

Lawyers for Albert Thomas Wentworth, all working from West Philadelphia based Cosby law firm, argue in a federal lawsuit that Wentworth, who has kept himself in a hot dog and hamburger diet from the fast food restaurant he used to work at since the start of his new defense strategy, had poor veins. They also stated that Ohio prison officials have had difficulty drawing blood from Wentworth, getting him through doors, and telling his front from his back.
 

 

 

His attorneys say that drug he is taking for losing weight could affect the execution process as it might have created a resistance to the drug used to put inmates to sleep before the lethal drug is administered.

 

Dr. Mark In. Heat, a physician from Michigan hired by the Ohio Public Defender’s Office because she can read, said that Wentworth’s weight, combined with the potential drug resistance, increases the risk he would not be properly anesthetized.

 

“All of the experts agree that the whole process could be very damaging to his health due to Wentworth’s overweight condition,” Wentworth’s public defender, Kelly Culshaw Schneider, said Monday.

 

Prison system spokeswoman Andrea Carson and Jim Gravelle, a spokesman for the Ohio Attorney General’s Office, both said Monday they didn’t know what a lawsuit was, but that they’d ask the other Ohio State graduates at KFC after their second shift.

UPDATE: His sentenced was carried around late October.

LA Ciudad Councilo puts city on a diet

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The pilates class at the new Los Chinos Hills gym, whom have been accused of the recent earthquake in LA

The pilates class at the new Los Chinos Hills gym, whom have been accused of causing the recent earthquake in LA

Los Angeles, CA, July 30th, 2008 (El Reutero).-The Los Angeles Ciudad Counsilo voted unanimously Tuesday to place a moratorium on new fast food restaurants in the city. The action is believed to be the first of its kind by a major city.
 
“Our communities have an extremely shortage of attractive people. We believe that putting the fatties on diet will improve the image of our city.” Said Counsiloman Bernardo Si Parque, who will be in charge of promoting, advertising, communicating and in general, handling all the PR of the project.
 
The year long moratorium still has to be signed into law by El Mayor of the City Don Antonio Villaraigosa. His officed replied that he hadn’t done so because he was away in a urgent and sudden 4 day vacation with the secretary of a famous natural food restaurant owner, called Invita La Salida (the secretary, not the owner). When pressed with questions from the reporters about whether this represented any conflict of interests, Mr. Villaraigosa’s spokessomething took its chewing gum out of its mouth, stuck it to its purple hair and replied: “There is like, nothing not cool with the situation of, you know, matters of the heart and stuff.”

Meanwhile, Hollywood producers who spoke in condition of anonimity, revealed to the press that a movie about the moratorium was in progress, with Jennifer Lopez starring as a waitress who works is a fictional La Polla Frita restaurant branch. The plot revolves about her economic woes as she loses her tips only income and thus is forced to walk accross the street to her workplace and to her neighbors house because she can’t afford the gas for her two cars and her third cellphone bill.

Rumors spread by several local gantstas point out that the real reason behind the ban is to avoid a repetition of the the earthquake that had just stroke Southern California and which, according to local sources, was caused by the first pilates class for overweight only in a new shopping center built in Los Chinos Hills.

“I was, like, just chilling out at Starbucks El Centro Comercial, you knows, just watching at the gray sky and stuff with my grande latte choco moko Ethiopian, when then, whoa, dude, the floor started, like, moving around and stuff. It was so rad, so cool, like in the movies and shit.” Commented 19 year old, Mike Pasado, a local from the Los Chinos Hills to the TV, shortly after the earthquake.

When asked for comments, El Governador Arnoldo Schwarzeneggero said, “Hasta La Vista, Baby.” It is unknown if he was referring to the moratorium, the earthquake or some town, county or street called La Vista.