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Archive for the ‘Music news’ Category

Paul McCarney announces his plans to marry in the Colbert Report. “All I need is Love”, McCartney.

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When asked if he was afraid of another costly divorce with his new fiancée, the ex-beatle said "We can work it out."

When asked if he was afraid of another costly divorce with his new fiancée, the ex-beatle said "We can work it out."

New York, NY, January 28, 2009, (Reuters).- Ex-beatle Paul McCarntey appeared on “the Colbert Report,” answering questions to Stephen Colbert about his love life (McCartney’s, not Colbert’s).

Question: How did you get over the death of Linda, your first wife?

Answer: Obladi, oblada, life goes on.

Q: How did your second wife, Heather Mills, declared her love for you?

A: Baby, you’re a rich man.

Q: What did you tell her when she asked so much money for the divorce?

A: You never give me your money.

Q: What did you tell your lawyer about it?

A: Help!

Q: What did he tell you?

A: You’re going to lose that girl.

Q: Where is she now?

A: Back in the U.S.S.R.

Q: How did you feel after losing so much money in the divorce?

A: The fool on the hill.

Q: Do you regret that marriage?

A: I should have known better.

Q: Is there a lesson to that experience?

A: Can’t buy me love.

Q: How did you meet your current girlfriend, socialite Nancy Shevell?

A: She came in through the bathroom window.

Q: How did you find her?

A: I saw her standing there.

Q: How did you declare your love to her?

A: Love, love me do.

Q: Why do you want to marry her?

A: I’ve got a feeling and I love her.

Q: Where does your fiancée like to have sex?

A: Here, there and everywhere.

Q: Really? and how often does she want it?

A: Eight days a week.

Q: How do you manage to have sex at your age?

A: With a little help from my friends.

Q: How was sex with Linda?

A: Twist and shout.

Q: How was it with Heather?

A: Honey, don’t.

Q: And with Nancy?

A: A hard day’s night.

Q: Do you still take drugs?

A: Everybody’s got something to hide.

Q: What do you do when you have to appear in public after taking drugs?

A: Act naturally.

Q: Do past acquaintances or even total strangers ever try to claim they’re your offspring in order to rip you off your money?

A: Everybody’s trying to be my baby.

Q: Finally, is there something you’d like to say to your fans?

A: Happiness is a warm gun.

Michael Jackson sued by Arab Sheikh.

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The artist also said he's tired of all the Michael-Jackson-picking-his-nose jokes.

The artist also declared he's tired of all the Michael-Jackson-picks-his-nose jokes. "Oh, just beat it, will ya?" he said.

London, UK, November 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- Pop star, Michael Jackson is being sued again, this time by an Arab Sheikh prince from the totally unheard kingdom of Bahrain.

The Sheikh prince, whose short name is Abdulla Bin Hamad Al Khalifa Mohammed Hussein Barack, claims he gave Michael Jackson 7 million American dollars, 2 white limousines, 3 golden watches with “Jackson” engraved in them and 543 virgins from his personal harem, in exchange of 25 minutes of quality time and a couple of rounds of Rock Band, which Michael Jackson never delivered.

“The word is out, he’s doing wrong, we’re going to lock him up, before too long,” said the Shiekh’s lawyer, describing Michael Jackson’s end of the bargain as bad.

Michael Jackson, who defines his race as black or white, claims he’s innocent, and he thought the money he received from the Sheikh was just small change to pay for petty expenses, like paving his Never-Ever-Again ranch with golden bricks.

“He clearly doesn’t remember the time when he said it was a gift,” said Michael Jackson to the press. “And now he says I’m the one who will dance on the floor in a round.”

The King of Pop also claimed he’s always the target of opportunistic people who try to take advantage of him in order to get money. “People always told me, be careful who you love, be careful what you do, ’cause the lie becomes the truth,” lamented the singer.

Paula Abdul fan was found dead near Paula Abdul’s house. “This proves Paula is more damaging than I am”: Simon.

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Los Angeles, CA, November 14th, 2008, (Reuters).- A fan of Paula Abdul was found dead in a car just

The incident promted a new format for the program that will try to avoid more suicides.

The incident prompted a new format for the program that will try to avoid more suicides.

3 feet away from the judge’s house.

Ed Winterwonderland, from the Los Angeles County Department of Coroner explained the incident to the press, “We found the body in a car and we still don’t know the cause of death, although the 4 empty jars of valium might suspect an overdose. By the way, have I told you that I can sing a terrific version of Britney Spear’s ‘Toxic’?”

Paula Goodspeed had appeared in season 275 of American Idol, where she sang her own classical-retro-rap British version of “Proud Mary”, to which Simon commented, “that was shameful, Jesus!”. Paula, on the other hand, had said “you’re unique,” and she never clarified if she meant it as a compliment or an insult.

Regarding the tragic incident, American Idol producer Simon Fuller commented, “We are indeed sad about this tragedy, but we remain hopeful that the event will actually increase our ratings.”

Paula Abdul said she was saddened by the incident, “Even I must admit that wasn’t her best performance.” Simon, in contrast, was rather judgmental on the ex-contestant, “I used to think people at least knew how to commit suicide decently.”

Mama Africa dies after singing Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

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Castel Volturno, Italy, November 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Mama Africa, also known as Miram Makeba

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

She disliked pictures that showed only black and white, preferring those where all colors were shown at once.

died shortly of a heart attack, after singing her famous song Pata Pata in a concert in Italy.

She was banished from South Africa in the 60’s for speaking against the apartheid system in South Africa, and lived and performed in Europe, the USA, Latin America and some African countries, specially Guinea, before being allowed to return 30 years later, when Mandela came to power and the racist white regime crumbled.

We repost one of her rare interviews that she gave in 1970.

Q: Why did you visit Guinea’s president Ahmed Sekou Toure in Conakry?
A: African convention.

Q: What will you do now that you’ve been banished from South Africa?
A: I shall sing.

Q: What does your success in the US mean?
A: Goodbye poverty.

Q: What is your opinion of Hendrik Frensch Verwoerd?
A: Chicken.

Q: What do you think should be done about apartheid?
A: Quit it.

Q: Do you think black Africans can make such a change?
A: We got to make it.

Beatles’ music to be featured in “Rock Band: The Beatles.”

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Liverpool, UK, October 30th, (Reuters).- The Beatles’ music will be featured in the next version of the

The band had originally signed with RedOctane to produce a Guitar Hero game, but the guitars wouldn't stop weeping gently.

The band had originally signed with RedOctane to produce a Guitar Hero game, but the guitars wouldn't stop weeping gently.

higly popular music video game Rock Band, produced by MTV Games and Harmonix. The game is expected to be released early next year.

Its original title was going to be “Rock Band: More famous than Jesus,” then it was changed to “Rock Band: British Invasion,” and then to “Rock Band: Sargent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Band Club.” However, since it was still considered too politically incorrect for the American market, they decided to settle for “Rock Band: The Beatles.”

Surviving Beatles members, Paul McCartney and Ringo Star commented on the videogame.

They claimed that there’s a huge market fo the game: thousands and thousands of nerds without a girlfriend, “All the lonely people, where do they come from?” they explained.

Regarding the royalties they would get, Paul McCartney said “I really don’t care too much for money, for money can’t buy me love. But I’m willing to share what we get with Ringo.” To which Ringo complained, “you never give me your money.”

They also explained that they never thought producing a videogame would be so much work. “You know, it’s been a hard day’s night and we’ve been working like a dog. And recordings are held eight days a week, but it’ll be worth it because players will be able to play Rock’n’Roll music any old way they choose it,” Ringo Starr said.

The game can already be pre-ordered through internet at a launch price of £4,500. The price is expected to go down in the future. So far, only a lad from Attica called Chapman has pre-ordered it. He said he wants to play it when he gets home, that is approximately, when he’s 64.

Muslim Magomayev dies at 66. His black coffin becomes lipstick red after fans kiss it.

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Moscow, Russia, October 29th, 2008, (Reuters).- USSR icon and idol of thousands of Russian women,

Until the very end, he denied any similarity with Frank Sinatra.

Until the very end, he denied any similarity with Frank Sinatra. "I'd rather be compared with James Bond," he once said.

Muslim Magomayev, died in his flat.

He was buried in his birthtown, Baku, in former soviet republic Azerbaijan. It’s still unknown if this is because he wanted it that way or because the corpse of Ekaterina Fursteva denied the permission needed to be buried in the Novodevichye Cementery.

Police are still investigating the cause of death, but thousands of empty cigarrette boxes that were found in his flat have lead to the conclusion that his lover smoked too much while she prepared him fish soup, which then might have poisoned him.

The Minister of Culture arranged a ceremony for his remains in the Tchaikovsky Concert Hall. A funeral chariot was rented to transport his black coffin, but it wasn’t necessary as thousands of women carried it and painted it red with their lipstick. Some panties were thrown as well.

Thousands of fans have staged noisy demonstrations. The noisiest ones, however, were heard along the Piterskaya and the Tverskaya-Yamskaya.

Madonna gets a divorce.

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London, U.K., October 15th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an interview with The Sun, Madonna confessed that she and

Madonna also spoke about looking for a female companion next. "I'm willing to go over the Borderline, even if I have to Take a Bow. It feels like a little prayer."

Madonna also spoke about looking for a female companion next. "I'm willing to go over the Borderline, even if I have to Take a Bow. It feels like a little prayer."

director Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce.

How do you feel about being single again?

Like a virgin.

We know you caught Guy and a younger woman together in a bar, what was your first reaction?

Who’s that girl?

Really? And what did he answer?

Beautiful stranger.

What did Guy tell you when you announced your decision to get a divorce?

I’d rather be your lover.

Did your son with him, Rocco say anything?

Papa don’t preach.

How was your sex life with Guy?

Ain’t no big deal.

Why? Does he miss something?

What it feels like for a girl.

What would you prefer?

Deeper and deeper

I see, anything else?

Hanky Panky.

Did he ever call you names?

Material girl.

Do you think that was uncalled for?

I deserve it.

What are you going to do after your present tour is finished?

Holiday.

After this, what do you think of marriage?

Vogue.