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Posts Tagged ‘George Bush

“Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record”: Bush

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By the end of the news conference, president Bush was so confident that he even made a racist joke about president Obama.

By the end of the news conference, president Bush was so confident that he even made a racist joke about president Obama.

Washington, D.C., January 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a final news conference, which the president called “the ultimate exit interview,” president Bush declared that Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record.

He also commented on other issues that marked his presidency as well as his legacy.

He defended the image of the US overseas and denied that it had been tarnished during his administration. “I dissagree that this assesment that people view America in a dim light. People still understand America stands for freedom, why just a month ago, Arab people were so pleased to see me that they offered their shoes to me.”

He also defended his record on human rights, including imprisonment without a trial of suspected terrorists and use of tough interrogation methods at Guantanamo Bay, as well as overriding civil rights at home in order to obtain local information. “Yes, I did all that, but I just couldn’t let terrorists come into our land and destroy our basic rights.”

Most of all, he spoke about the Iraq war, defending his decisions, “I did what I had to do, there weren’t any mistakes at all. I grant that there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction at all, and there were abuses at the Abu Ghraib prision, but those weren’t mistakes, just things that didn’t go according to plan.”

When asked about the time he claimed victory under a banner with big huge letters reading “mission accomplished,” he explained “We’ve clarified this before, it was a banner put up by the janitor who had finished his working shift that same day. It sent the wrong message to those that will always look for the wrong message.”

He also defended his decision to send an additional 30,000 troops. “The question is, in the long run, will this democracy survive? and that’s going to be a question for future presidents.” It wasn’t clear if was referring to the US or Iraq.

Regarding the response to Katrina, he denied it had been slow. “Don’t tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm passed. I have heard nothing but congratulations and appreciation from them, while I have never heard a single complaint from the people that died.”

Regarding his involvement of peace in the Middle East, he commented “I laid out a vision of what peace would be like, I think I have advanced the process and now Palestinians and Israelis are closer than ever.”

He also spoke about the US economy’s state as he leaves office. “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

Finally, he mentioned what he believes is the most important issue that the next president will face: “An attack on the United States. That’s a much more important issue than the economic crisis, because it’s real and it actually affects American lives. Despite sending the country to wars and ripping apart the US civil rights, America isn’t safe. I wish I could report that’s not the case.”

Meanwhile, a CNN poll revealed that right after the news conference, Bush’s popularity increased a bit. He’s now more popular than chickenpox but still trails behind taxes.

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Bush admits intelligence on Iraq was dumb. “Oops, sorry about that:” Bush.

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He said he was sorry he didn't get a bit more time to win the war in Iraq. "I was this close," showed the president.

Bush said he was sorry he didn't get a bit more time to win the war in Iraq. "I was this close," showed the president.

Washington, D.C., December 1st, 2008, (Reuters).- In an interview for ABC-DEF, co-president George W. Bush spoke about several issues from his soon-to-end administration, the war in Iraq being the most prominent one.

Asked what he was most unprepared for when he took office in January 2001, Bush replied, “gee, that’s a tough one, so many things. Well, I think I would select being unprepared for war. In other words, I didn’t campaign and say ‘vote for me, I’ll be able to handle an attack,’ and it was clear to me that I couldn’t. Even other people have started to notice.”

Asked what his greatest accomplishment was, the president replied, “that’s very easy. I defended America and kept it safe against attacks from ideological thugs.”

He also acknowledged that the intelligence in Iraq was not accurate, although he refused to say whether he had launched the invasion on Iraq had he known Saddam Hussein didn’t really have weapons of mass destruction. “I guess I wish the intelligence in Iraq had been intelligent. Nevertheless, I’m glad Saddam Hussein was caught and persecuted because he clearly had no disregard for human life.”

He also spoke about his opposition to a formal timeline for withdrawing from Iraq. “I don’t believe in sending people’s sons to lose their lives in vain, so I wanted to send some more to make it worth it.”

Missile system in Poland aimed at Russia not a threat to Russia: Rice

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Warsaw, Poland, August 20th, 2008, (Reuters).- The US and Poland

Secretary of State Rice giving the news to president Bush in her usual maternal way.

Secretary of State Rice giving the news to president Bush in her usual maternal way.

signed a deal to place a US missile system just 115 miles from Russia, which US secretary of State claims does not represent a military threat to Russia.

“Just because it’s next to Russia, and it’s been agreed just after the Russian invasion to Georgia, and it’s right in the Russian sphere of influence, doesn’t mean it represents a threat to Russia. It is in our defense that we do this,” commented Rice.

When asked about further clarification, she replied “why, it’s obvious that if we put a missile system next to Russia, it’s because we’re preparing a defense from an attack from Iran, not Russia.”

With respect to the Russian comments about a possible pre-emptive attack on Poland for accepting the facility, Rice developed, “such comments border on the bizarre, frankly. The Russians are losing their credibility. This is not 1988, it’s 2008. In this age, you just can’t do pre-emptive attacks on countries in order to destroy a weapon system that is not there on the excuse of self-defence without international sanction.”

Poland, like Georgia, has contributed 2,300 soldiers to the Iraq war and 1,600 to Afghanistan. Polish Prime Minister Donald Duck hopes to have a better protection than the former soviet republic. “After what happened to Georgia, we don’t want to fight the Russians with half of our army somewhere else,” he commented.

Paulson: Bush right on Wall Street `hangover’ quip

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At a fundraiser in Houston, Bush declared "Wall Street got drunk and it got a hangover. In fact the American economy is like a drunk; irresponsible, full of bravado and indulging in reckless spending.

At a fundraiser in Houston, Bush declared "Wall Street got drunk and it got a hangover. In fact the American economy is like a drunk; irresponsible, full of bravado and indulging in reckless spending.

Beijing, China, August 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said “absolutely there’s a lot of truth” to President Bush’s comment that Wall Street “got drunk and now it’s got a hangover,” in understanding the current economic climate.

“It’s actually very, very simple. See, in terms of Wall Street, there was too much leverage in the system and more leverage than was appropriate and more than people recognized, because the leverage came into the system in the form of highly complex, structured products, which were difficult to understand,” Paulson said. “So there was excess leverage, excess complexity. See, I told you it was very simple,” he ended.

Paulson also offered a 218-page simplification blueprint for overhauling regulation of the nation’s financial system by reducing government expenses. The plan would create three super agencies with power over the financial industry and would involve the construction of 9 goverment buildings, the purchase of 56 government cars and the hiring of 29 government officials’ bodyguards.

“We sized that program to say, `How could we do something that will be meaningful this year but not so big that it would jeopardize some of our long-term priorities and our fiscal priorities in balancing the budget?’ So again, my view would be to reduce trivial and unnecessary government expenses,” stated Paulson from Beijing, where he, president Bush and several other US government officials are on taxpayer-funded vacations, watching the games and visiting tourist destinations.

Written by Flippyman

August 11, 2008 at 5:57 am

Violence arises in former Soviet territory

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Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Tskhinvali, Georgia, August 9th, 2008.- In a show of brute force tinted with political colors, Russia sent tanks into the contested province of South Ossetia and bombed with warplanes the Georgian town of Gori, escalating a conflict that could involve several nations.

The conflict started Friday night, when Georgia (NO, NOT THE US STATE) pounded the provincial capital of South Ossetia, Tskhinvali, with heavy artillery and rocket fire.

Russia’s prime minister Vladimir Putin, accused Georgia of “complete genocide.” “The actions of the Georgian powers in South Ossetia are, of course, a crime against its people.  We promise that our response will be much worse.”

In a movement that president Dmitry Medvedev called the “liberation of South Ossetia by peace keeping Russian forces,” Russian tanks and warplanes escalated the war by invading Tskhinvali and engaging the Georgian forces, as well as bombing the Georgian town of Gori, which has nothing to do with the conflict.

Russian ambassador to NATO, Dmitry Rogozin, declared, “Mission accomplished. 98% of Tskhinvali is in ruins, but the 2% that still stands is free to join the Russian Federation, whether they like it or not.”

Soon later, Georgia’s president Mikhail Saakashvili told reporters, “we can’t fight back the Russians, not with the bulk of our troops tied up in Iraq,” referring to the 3,000 Georgian troops, who, despite not speaking English, are fighting in the US led coalition in Iraq.

George Bush, who was attending the Beijing games, interrupted his martini break and declared “the Georgian troops must not pull out of Iraq to fight in their homeland. If they don’t fight the terrorists there, they will have to fight them in their homeland.”

When asked if the US would come to help his ally who has the third largest troop count in Iraq, Bush mumbled something about “not enough oil.” “Besides, this is all the Russian president’s fault because he invaded a country without international approval.”

On hearing those comments, president Medvedev replied “did not.” “Did too” ended Bush.

On a related note, several American students organizations organized protests all over the country. “We’re fed up with these invasions. They just make our teachers force us to learn names and capitals of countries we’ve never heard about. I mean, who can remember ‘Tskhinvali’ or ‘Medvedev’ in an exam?” said 10 year old student Bart Simpson.

Beijing 2008 Olympics Opening Ceremony a success

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Amazing, isn't it?

Amazing, isn't it?

Beijing, China, August 8th, 2008, (Reuters).- The 2008 Olympic games at Beijing opened with a Lavish and stunning ceremony, giving China its much waited opportunity to show its splendor to the world.

Thousands of Chinese and foreigners shouted the countdown at the National Stadium, better known as the “bird’s nest.” Several heads of state were also present, with president George W. Bush dominating the scene. Bush will also participate in the shooting event, in the rifle, pistol and shotgun with moving target categories, being the first American president to participate in Olympic games.

The show was dominated by stunning acrobatics, beautiful dances, extraordinary fireworks, and a sea of drums, all used to show the history of China and what can be done with thousands and thousands of people.

The Parade of Nations started with Greece, and finished with China, as is customary. However, the delegation’s usual alphabetic order was changed to Chinese character’s order. Since none of the other delegations knew how to speak, much less write Chinese, they all had to take their word for it.

The Iraqi delegation was finally allowed to participate in the games, after a reversal of a ban from the International Olympics Committee. However, his 4 athlete delegation was composed of 2 Americans, 1 British and 1 Iraqi. The Americans and British were there to ensure the Iraqi athlete’s freedom, although negotiations are in progres for them to leave sometime before the London Olympics.

The Chinese flag bearer, Mao Ying, was accompanied by a child who survived the Nike sweatshops. The child also helped manufacture the sneakers that Ying was using.

The event was closed with Li Ding running around the top of the stadium, suspended by cables. It was just awesome.

Not everything was good news, though.

A terrorist threat was issued by Islamic radical group, Apul Dah Thrigah, composed of about 150 members. The Chinese authorities responded with the arrest of alleged 50,000 members, thwarting the terrorist plot. Chinese Defense Secretary Gun Pao Der, commented, “we can outdo Americans in everything, even war on terror.”

 

Also, Americans had to miss the live opening ceremony. Olympic games rights owner NBC, decided to forego the live transmission and broadcasted it instead on Friday’s prime time. It is rumored that it was all a prank from Bill Gates and internet providers so people had to switch to watch the games on internet.

On another note, Beijing Residents were told to stay home by the local goverment. In some places, the security went as far as locking parks and blocking streets. Local drunken bum, Lao Zi, commented “I have lived in this park since communism improved my life standards, how can they lock me out?”. Beijing mayor, Wai Yu Shao Ting, explained that the measurement was taken to protect the citizens from themselves, “imagine 10,000 millions of Chinese drivers out at the same time, driving home or to a bar or to the stadium. There would be more dead people than the Tiananmen square massacre, which never happened.

McCain camp compares Obama to Spears, Hilton

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Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

AURORA, CO, July 31st, 2008 (Reuters). – John McCain’s presidential campaign on Wednesday released a withering television ad comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, suggesting the Democratic contender is little more than a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. 

McCain’s ad, titled “Celeb” and set to air in 11 battleground states, intercuts images of Obama on his trip to Europe last week with video of twenty-something pop stars Spears and Hilton, both better known for their childish off-screen antics, while the narrator goes:

(Sang to the tune of Briney Spears’ Lucky)
“This is a story about a candidate named Obama…

Early morning, he wakes up.
Knock, knock, knock on the door.
It’s time for make up, perfect smile.
It’s him they’re all waiting for.
They go…

Isn’t he lovely, this Hawaiian guy?

And they say…

CHORUS:

He’s so lucky, He’s a star,
but he lies, lies, lies about the war, thinking
if there’s nothing missing in Iraq,
then why do these calls come at night?

He’s a lost image, in a screen,
But there’s no one there to make him stop.
And Clinton’s billing, and he keeps on winning,
but tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…

Isn’t she lovely, this Hawaiian guy?
And they say…

CHORUS

He’s so lucky, He’s Obama.
But he tries, tries, tries, tries to raise your tax, thinking,
if there’s no Clinton sitting in my camp,
then why do these girls come at night?

(Spoken) Best Democrat, and the winner is…Obama!
(Spoken)I’m Ron Burgundy from Channel 4 News standing outside the arena waiting for Obama. Oh my god…here he comes!

Isn’t she lucky, this Hawaiian guy?
He is so lucky, but why does he lie?
If there’s no experience worthwhile in his life,
then why does he go to Afghanistan?”

At the end of the song, an image of the Republican candidate appears, speaking to the audience. “This ad is just the start, I’ve just begun. It’s clear that even though I can’t make you love me, I’m stronger and born to make you happy. I promise I will be there, I will keep you overprotected and deep in my heart. Whereas my rival is just plain crazy, toxic, intimidated and outrageous and leads a simple life. I tell you this from the bottom of my heart. Vote for me, that’s my only wish this year,” says the candidate in the last seconds of the commecial.

Obama’s campaign quickly responded with a commercial of its own, dismissing McCain’s complaints as “baloney” and “baseless.” Unlike McCain’s commercial, Obama’s focuses on how McCain’s campain bases itself on continuing attacks on his person. It has images of McCain and George Bush in coctkails parties while the narrator sings:

(Sung to the tune of Britney Spears’ Oops, I did it again)

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he did it again.
He made you believe they are not such close friends.
Oh baby, it might seem like it’s not Bush,
but it doesn’t mean that it’s not serious.
‘Cause to lose all his tenses,
That is just so typically his.
Oh baby, baby.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with your tax, got lost in war games.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think he’s hero.
That he’s right for the post.
He’s not that innocent.

You see my problem is this,
He spills my campain,
wishing my flaws, they truly exist.
I cry, hearing the waves,
Coz he says I’m a fool in so many ways.
But to lose all his lenses,
that is just so typically his.
Baby, oh

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He insulted my plans, too green for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…He thinks I’m too young,
that I’m a lame senator.
I’m not that innocent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(spoken) All aboard.
(spoken) Johny, before you go, there’s something I want you to have.
(spoken) George, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?
(spoken) Yeah, yes it is.
(spoken) But I thought that Katherine Harris had dropped it into the Florida ocean in the end.
(spoken) Well baby, I went down and got it for you.
(spoken) Oh, you shouldn’t have.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again to your vote.
Got lost in Vietnam, oh baby.
Oops!…You know that he’s sent from G. Bush.
He’s not that innocent.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with the hawks, got too old for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…You know he’s so nuts,
that he forgets what he posts.
You’re not that innocent”

When contacted for comments on both ads, Miss Hilton’s spokesdog Tinkerbell replied. “Miss Hilton has already contributed to both campains and already has someone to clean the bathroom. No further comment except that Miss Hilton thinks senator Obama is the iconic blonde of the decade.”

On a related note, both Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan were reported to have started bitching from their LA County Sheriff’s department cell and Wonderland Center rehabilitation facility room in West Hollywood respectively because they weren’t mentioned like Hilton and Spears in the commercials.

“Like, I’m a much bigger biotch than her, you know. I mean, hellooooo, what was he thinking when he chose to ignore me? I mean, everybody knows I’m more famous than Paris and shit,” commented Miss Richie.

Miss Lohan’s statements were not understandable due to her constant puking. Her nurse said she will issue a statement as soon as her hand is steady enough to type.