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Posts Tagged ‘Health news

Waitress-Model Kelly Bundy fighting cancer

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Kelly Bundy and her spokesbrother giving the news to the press. Kelly debated at first that she's not Cancer, but Aquarium.

Los Angeles, CA, August 2nd, 2008, (Reuters).- Waitress-Model Kelly Bundy, eternally 18 and famous for being hot, but not so much for being smart, was diagnosed with cancer during a regular MRI, said in an e-mail, spokesbrother Bud Bundy, who is entitled to 80% of her earnings.

“Pumkin is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery,” her father Al Bundy said.

Kelly Bundy, whose mother, Peggy Bundy, battled both breast cancer and Al’s refusals for sex, has been an advocate for breast cancer research.

Bundy’s cancer diagnosis was reported earlier by the Hollywood gossip TV show Extra, allegedly, being caused by the constant use of the chemical hair bleach that she uses to dye her hair, whose original color she can’t remember.

When asked for comments on Actress Christina Applegate, who has also been diagnosed with breast cancer, Miss Bundy asked, “Christina who?”

LA Ciudad Councilo puts city on a diet

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The pilates class at the new Los Chinos Hills gym, whom have been accused of the recent earthquake in LA

The pilates class at the new Los Chinos Hills gym, whom have been accused of causing the recent earthquake in LA

Los Angeles, CA, July 30th, 2008 (El Reutero).-The Los Angeles Ciudad Counsilo voted unanimously Tuesday to place a moratorium on new fast food restaurants in the city. The action is believed to be the first of its kind by a major city.
“Our communities have an extremely shortage of attractive people. We believe that putting the fatties on diet will improve the image of our city.” Said Counsiloman Bernardo Si Parque, who will be in charge of promoting, advertising, communicating and in general, handling all the PR of the project.
The year long moratorium still has to be signed into law by El Mayor of the City Don Antonio Villaraigosa. His officed replied that he hadn’t done so because he was away in a urgent and sudden 4 day vacation with the secretary of a famous natural food restaurant owner, called Invita La Salida (the secretary, not the owner). When pressed with questions from the reporters about whether this represented any conflict of interests, Mr. Villaraigosa’s spokessomething took its chewing gum out of its mouth, stuck it to its purple hair and replied: “There is like, nothing not cool with the situation of, you know, matters of the heart and stuff.”

Meanwhile, Hollywood producers who spoke in condition of anonimity, revealed to the press that a movie about the moratorium was in progress, with Jennifer Lopez starring as a waitress who works is a fictional La Polla Frita restaurant branch. The plot revolves about her economic woes as she loses her tips only income and thus is forced to walk accross the street to her workplace and to her neighbors house because she can’t afford the gas for her two cars and her third cellphone bill.

Rumors spread by several local gantstas point out that the real reason behind the ban is to avoid a repetition of the the earthquake that had just stroke Southern California and which, according to local sources, was caused by the first pilates class for overweight only in a new shopping center built in Los Chinos Hills.

“I was, like, just chilling out at Starbucks El Centro Comercial, you knows, just watching at the gray sky and stuff with my grande latte choco moko Ethiopian, when then, whoa, dude, the floor started, like, moving around and stuff. It was so rad, so cool, like in the movies and shit.” Commented 19 year old, Mike Pasado, a local from the Los Chinos Hills to the TV, shortly after the earthquake.

When asked for comments, El Governador Arnoldo Schwarzeneggero said, “Hasta La Vista, Baby.” It is unknown if he was referring to the moratorium, the earthquake or some town, county or street called La Vista.