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Posts Tagged ‘Lindsay Lohan

Election fever refuses to die. Lindsay Lohan continues to support Barack Obama.

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New York, NY, November 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- Even after the election ended with a certain victory of

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

 Democratic Barack Obama, people with little or no life continue the election fever, supporting either president-elect Obama, or Governor Sarah Palin.

Lindsay Lohan continues to make declarations about her support for Barack Obamahim, much to the dismay of the president-elect, who would rather not be associated with her. “It’s worse than being linked with Ayers,” said the president-elect according to a source close to him who asked to remain anonymous (Michelle told us).

In her latest gaffe, Lindsay Lohan spoke in an interview with Maria Menounos in “Access Hollywood,” about her experience during Election Day. “It was really exiting, all the boys and the booze and the girls. It was an amazing feeling. It’s our first colored president.”

In other news, Sarah Palin was offered 2 million dollars for starring on a porn movie. Porn film director Cezar Capone included an extra $100,000 dollars and a brand new snowmobile if Todd is willing to co-start the picture.

Palin declined the offer, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s unethical, immoral, opportunistic, indecent and against all the values and things I believe in. Besides, I save more than that in the lawyer and the trips that the state of Alaska pays for me and my family.”

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Al Bundy and the Fonz, among others, back Barack Obama.

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Hollywood, CA, October 24th, 2008, (Reuters).- As the race is approaching its end, famous real and

Al Bundy has retaken his trademark No MA'AM t-shirt to express his opposition to Sarah Palin.

Al Bundy has retaken his trademark No MA'AM t-shirt to express his opposition to Sarah Palin.

fictional personalities have started to back Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

One of the lastest celebrities that has endorsed the candidate is the Fonz. In a recent add he speaks to Richie and tells him that voting for Bush and Chenney was “wwwrr…….”, (apparently unable to admit he’s wrong). “But now we can make it right.” Fonz explained. He also told Richie he hand misunderstood Palin’s claim that “she shoots moose” as “she was loose.”

Another TV father that certanly makes less than $250,000 a year is Al Bundy. The famous shoe salesman has decided to back Obama after finding out that he’d save $1,000 dollars in taxes. Of course, he had to buy a $1,500 computer to find that out first. “Obama! Obama!” shouted Al Bundy as he slammed his hand against a table and raised his fist as he announced his support for the Democratic candidate.

Sarah Silverman has also decided to back the candidate. “I encourage all Jewish voters to schlep over to Florida and convince your grandparents to vote for Obama. Did I say encourage? I meant I demand you.” 

Retired sheriff Andy Taylor and his son Opie Taylor also expressed support for Senator Obama. “People are funny. Change scares them, they’d rather feel good in the same thing that’s been messing them up when change is the thing they can help them,” explained Andy to his son in a new commercial. “When I’m a grown up, I’d sure like to vote for someone as good as Mr. Obama,” replied Opie, apparently oblivious to the fact that he’s over 40 now and able to vote.

Close sources to the candidate (Michelle told us) say that although he welcomes any vote, he’s not too happy to be connected with some of the celebrities that try to get as many pictures with him as possible. “I can’t tell any names, but… oh, what gives, it’s Homer Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.”

So far, only Abe Simpson, Ned Flanders and Mr. Burns have been the only fictional characters to endorse the Palin-McCain ticket.

Lindsay Lohan fires back at police ‘gay’ remark

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Actress Lindsay Lohan making a statement from the LA County Sheriff's department

LOS ANGELES, CA, August 1st, 2008 (Reuters).- Linsday Lohan said Friday that police have no business getting involved in her personal life. 

The day before, Chief William Bratton said the paparazzi have become less of a problem thanks to Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan leading more moderate lifestyles.

“If you notice, since Britney started wearing panties and closing her legs; Paris got the hell out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue,” he told Channel 4 News.

On Friday, Miss Lohan was the only one of the three celebrities sober enough to speak to the media. “Police chiefs shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life. It’s inappropriate,” Lohan said in a video shot by paparazzi Friday and posted on TMZ.com. In the footage, Lohan and gal pal Samantha Ronson are shopping at Sport Mart (they don’t like Dicks).

Bratton later called a news conference outside police headquarters to clarify his position on the paparazzi. When asked about the Lohan remark, Bratton said his sister is also gay and that he “doesn’t discriminate that bitch either.”

McCain camp compares Obama to Spears, Hilton

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Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

AURORA, CO, July 31st, 2008 (Reuters). – John McCain’s presidential campaign on Wednesday released a withering television ad comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, suggesting the Democratic contender is little more than a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. 

McCain’s ad, titled “Celeb” and set to air in 11 battleground states, intercuts images of Obama on his trip to Europe last week with video of twenty-something pop stars Spears and Hilton, both better known for their childish off-screen antics, while the narrator goes:

(Sang to the tune of Briney Spears’ Lucky)
“This is a story about a candidate named Obama…

Early morning, he wakes up.
Knock, knock, knock on the door.
It’s time for make up, perfect smile.
It’s him they’re all waiting for.
They go…

Isn’t he lovely, this Hawaiian guy?

And they say…

CHORUS:

He’s so lucky, He’s a star,
but he lies, lies, lies about the war, thinking
if there’s nothing missing in Iraq,
then why do these calls come at night?

He’s a lost image, in a screen,
But there’s no one there to make him stop.
And Clinton’s billing, and he keeps on winning,
but tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…

Isn’t she lovely, this Hawaiian guy?
And they say…

CHORUS

He’s so lucky, He’s Obama.
But he tries, tries, tries, tries to raise your tax, thinking,
if there’s no Clinton sitting in my camp,
then why do these girls come at night?

(Spoken) Best Democrat, and the winner is…Obama!
(Spoken)I’m Ron Burgundy from Channel 4 News standing outside the arena waiting for Obama. Oh my god…here he comes!

Isn’t she lucky, this Hawaiian guy?
He is so lucky, but why does he lie?
If there’s no experience worthwhile in his life,
then why does he go to Afghanistan?”

At the end of the song, an image of the Republican candidate appears, speaking to the audience. “This ad is just the start, I’ve just begun. It’s clear that even though I can’t make you love me, I’m stronger and born to make you happy. I promise I will be there, I will keep you overprotected and deep in my heart. Whereas my rival is just plain crazy, toxic, intimidated and outrageous and leads a simple life. I tell you this from the bottom of my heart. Vote for me, that’s my only wish this year,” says the candidate in the last seconds of the commecial.

Obama’s campaign quickly responded with a commercial of its own, dismissing McCain’s complaints as “baloney” and “baseless.” Unlike McCain’s commercial, Obama’s focuses on how McCain’s campain bases itself on continuing attacks on his person. It has images of McCain and George Bush in coctkails parties while the narrator sings:

(Sung to the tune of Britney Spears’ Oops, I did it again)

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he did it again.
He made you believe they are not such close friends.
Oh baby, it might seem like it’s not Bush,
but it doesn’t mean that it’s not serious.
‘Cause to lose all his tenses,
That is just so typically his.
Oh baby, baby.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with your tax, got lost in war games.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think he’s hero.
That he’s right for the post.
He’s not that innocent.

You see my problem is this,
He spills my campain,
wishing my flaws, they truly exist.
I cry, hearing the waves,
Coz he says I’m a fool in so many ways.
But to lose all his lenses,
that is just so typically his.
Baby, oh

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He insulted my plans, too green for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…He thinks I’m too young,
that I’m a lame senator.
I’m not that innocent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(spoken) All aboard.
(spoken) Johny, before you go, there’s something I want you to have.
(spoken) George, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?
(spoken) Yeah, yes it is.
(spoken) But I thought that Katherine Harris had dropped it into the Florida ocean in the end.
(spoken) Well baby, I went down and got it for you.
(spoken) Oh, you shouldn’t have.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again to your vote.
Got lost in Vietnam, oh baby.
Oops!…You know that he’s sent from G. Bush.
He’s not that innocent.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with the hawks, got too old for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…You know he’s so nuts,
that he forgets what he posts.
You’re not that innocent”

When contacted for comments on both ads, Miss Hilton’s spokesdog Tinkerbell replied. “Miss Hilton has already contributed to both campains and already has someone to clean the bathroom. No further comment except that Miss Hilton thinks senator Obama is the iconic blonde of the decade.”

On a related note, both Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan were reported to have started bitching from their LA County Sheriff’s department cell and Wonderland Center rehabilitation facility room in West Hollywood respectively because they weren’t mentioned like Hilton and Spears in the commercials.

“Like, I’m a much bigger biotch than her, you know. I mean, hellooooo, what was he thinking when he chose to ignore me? I mean, everybody knows I’m more famous than Paris and shit,” commented Miss Richie.

Miss Lohan’s statements were not understandable due to her constant puking. Her nurse said she will issue a statement as soon as her hand is steady enough to type.