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Posts Tagged ‘McCain

Despite Bush’s promise of a smooth transition, Bush’s First Dog bites reporter.

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Washington, D.C., November 8th 2008, (Reuters).- After the promise of Bush of a smooth

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, speaks about the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations."

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, explains the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations," he barked.

transition and his pledge to do whatever he can to help the president-elect, Barack Obama, an incident spelled trouble for both teams: Barney, Bush’s First Dog, bit White House reporter Jonathan Black’n’Decker.

Aides of the president on condition of anonymity told the press that Barney had been becoming a rogue lately, and refusing to following orders.

Black’n’Decker interviewed himself about the incident.

“He seemed nice and friendly, but he suddenly became very angry and vicious, much like McCain does. I don’t know what happened to him (the First Dog). It might have been the Republican defeat of last Tuesday, the fact that he’s going to be replaced as First Dog of America or that I had eaten bacon for breakfast and didn’t wash my hands,” Black’n’Decker answered himself to a question he had asked himself about the reasons of the incident.

The White House denied any ill will or bad intentions from the First Dog. “It was just a pre-emptive attack in order to protect the integrity of the First Dog, which then became an effort to liberate Jonathan Black’n’Decker. In any case, we consider it as ‘mission accomplished,'” said White House veterinarian Richard Tubb.

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Obama answers questions in press conference after victory.

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Washington, D.C., November 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a press conference, president-elect Barack

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Obama answered several questions about the post-campaign and the way his administration will be handled.

Q: Mr. President elect, do you think you and senator John McCain will be able to overcome your differences and work together for the sake of the nation?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you and the Clintons work together to smooth differences within the Democratic party?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Will you and Biden be able to prepare a Cabinet and a team before you arrive to the White House?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Are the American people going to recover from this economic crisis?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can the US become again, not only a superpower, but a country admired by its values and principles?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think we can achieve victory in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think it’s possible for the US and our allies to dismantle Iran’s nuclear program?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you work with Governor Palin as an advisor?
A: Ah… No, we can not.

Al Bundy and the Fonz, among others, back Barack Obama.

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Hollywood, CA, October 24th, 2008, (Reuters).- As the race is approaching its end, famous real and

Al Bundy has retaken his trademark No MA'AM t-shirt to express his opposition to Sarah Palin.

Al Bundy has retaken his trademark No MA'AM t-shirt to express his opposition to Sarah Palin.

fictional personalities have started to back Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

One of the lastest celebrities that has endorsed the candidate is the Fonz. In a recent add he speaks to Richie and tells him that voting for Bush and Chenney was “wwwrr…….”, (apparently unable to admit he’s wrong). “But now we can make it right.” Fonz explained. He also told Richie he hand misunderstood Palin’s claim that “she shoots moose” as “she was loose.”

Another TV father that certanly makes less than $250,000 a year is Al Bundy. The famous shoe salesman has decided to back Obama after finding out that he’d save $1,000 dollars in taxes. Of course, he had to buy a $1,500 computer to find that out first. “Obama! Obama!” shouted Al Bundy as he slammed his hand against a table and raised his fist as he announced his support for the Democratic candidate.

Sarah Silverman has also decided to back the candidate. “I encourage all Jewish voters to schlep over to Florida and convince your grandparents to vote for Obama. Did I say encourage? I meant I demand you.” 

Retired sheriff Andy Taylor and his son Opie Taylor also expressed support for Senator Obama. “People are funny. Change scares them, they’d rather feel good in the same thing that’s been messing them up when change is the thing they can help them,” explained Andy to his son in a new commercial. “When I’m a grown up, I’d sure like to vote for someone as good as Mr. Obama,” replied Opie, apparently oblivious to the fact that he’s over 40 now and able to vote.

Close sources to the candidate (Michelle told us) say that although he welcomes any vote, he’s not too happy to be connected with some of the celebrities that try to get as many pictures with him as possible. “I can’t tell any names, but… oh, what gives, it’s Homer Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.”

So far, only Abe Simpson, Ned Flanders and Mr. Burns have been the only fictional characters to endorse the Palin-McCain ticket.

The Penguin endorses McCain. “I was the one who helped him prepare for his debates.”

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Gotham City. NJ, October 21st, 2008, (Reuters).- After many celebrities backing Barack Obama lately,

Batman and the Penguin participated in the Democratic Primaries, but both eventually lost to Hillary.

Batman and the Penguin participated in the Democratic Primaries, but both eventually lost to Hillary.

one of them has finally stood up for McCain: The Penguin.

“My friends, I support Senator McCain because it’s time someone stopped the negativism in this campaign and talked about the real issues. And there’s only one real issue in this campaign: Who really is the Batma… I mean, Barack Obama?” said the Penguin to the Gotham liberal media.

“Who is he? Why does he hide his past? Who does he hang around with? Let me give you the answer, my friends: criminal terrorists. Bill Ayers, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, The Joker, Poison Ivy, etc. I’m telling you, the guy is a two-face,” explained the Penguin to the press.

“It’s also been completly proven that he is in league with organizations such as ACORN and Lexcorp and preparing the greatest electoral fraud in history. If that’s not an evil masterplan. I don’t know what it is. And believe me, I do know. I took classes with Dick Chenney,” finished the villian.

Batman immediatly reached out for the Democratic candidate to give him his support. “Holy elections, Barack!”

Obama says, among other things, that McCain will “say anything.”

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Tampa, FL, October 20th, (Reuters).- Democratic candidate Barack Obama gave a speech at Tampa, Florida,

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but please don't call her namesm," asked the candidate.

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but no name calling, please," asked the candidate.

in which he said many different things in order to appeal to voters. One of them was an attack on McCain, claiming “he (McCain) will say anything, do anything. Now, is there anything you’d like me to say or do?”

He also claimed that the race will tighten as it comes to a close. “That’s what happens at the end of campaigns. Even when there are substantial leads. We can still snatch defeat from victory, so don’t underestimate us. You know, Hillary Clinton is not the first politician to declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ too soon.”

He also spoke about the attacks that he has received lately, mostly from Sarah Palin. “Look, I’ve been called worse on the basketball court.”

He also spoke about the recent endorsement given to him by the former Joint Chief of Staff, Colin Powell. “Until now, I was afraid that he’d join the ‘Blacks against Obama’ group, which, fortunately, is very small. Just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson.”

An updated Reagan comment brought cheers from the crowd, “At this rate, the question isn’t just ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago?’, it’s ‘Are you better off now than four hours ago? The crisis has even affected me and my campaign: I’m accepting change now.”

He ended his speech with a simple comment: “I’m a little too awesome.”

The Palin-McCain ticket goes showbiz. McCain stars on Letterman. Palin on SNL.

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New York, NY, October 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an effort to both reach a wider audience and get

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

sympathy from voters, the Palin-McCain ticket has gone into showbiz, starring in famous shows that cover a much bigger audience than their political debates could ever have. Both shows are based in New York.

McCain now stars in his own show, called “The Late Show with John McCain.” To the surprise of everyone, the first guest of the show was its former host, David Letterman.  They talked about the two items that American people care most about: Palin’s qualifications and Obama’s relationship with Ayers.

“They (Obama and Ayers) are driving cross country and having dinner together,” claimed McCain. “And amongst Governor Palin’s greatest qualifications, the best one is that she has stood up for the truth and reminded this (the Obama-Ayers connection) to the American people. And don’t miss her in the next SNL. She will wipe the floor with Tina Fey. Yes, that one.”

When Letterman started asking harder questions, McCain interrupted him, “It’s not the time to raise anyone’s taxes, except yours. I guarantee you when I become president, I’ll do it. First executive order”

“I’m sorry, I screwed up,” apologized Letterman.

McCain finished the show announcing that tomorrow’s guest will be Joe the Plumber.

On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, will become a permanent member of SNL, substituting Tina Fey who has recently been impersonating Palin.

“It’s about darn time I showed all them (Hockey Moms and Joe Sixpacks) who the real comedian is, and who the person who has palled with terrorists and wants to raise your taxes is,” said Governor Palin, confusing the attacks she was supposed to aim at Fey with the ones she’s been aiming at Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

“Yes, Obama and Democrats are ahead by 6%, we’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahaha”: McCain.

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Virginia Beach, VI, October 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- John McCain has changed

Levi Johnston and Bristol together in a Palin-McCain at the Republican Convention. "Fortunatly, Gov. Palin lends us her baby so we can practice parenthood while we have our own," commented Johnston.

Levi Johnston and Bristol together in a Palin-McCain speech at the Republican Convention. "Fortunatly, Gov. Palin lends us her baby so we can practice parenthood while we have our own," commented Johnston.

his rhetoric, claiming that the Democrat taking an advantage of 6 points and leading in all polls and battleground states has been part of his master plan all along.

“My friends, I have some wonderful news for you. Let me give you the state of the race: We have 22 days to go, we’re six points down, the national media has written us off and Obama and Pelosi are already preparing their clothes for the victory speech. We’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahah,” explained the Arizona senator.

“Excellent,” replied millionare and contributor to the Palin-McCain campaign, Montgomery Burns.

Elsewhere on the campaign trail, Levi Johnston, Palin’s future son-in-law, spoke about his future marriage with pregnant minor Bristol Palin.

“We’re both love each other and we both plan to have a happy normal married life. I will drop out of school to give my baby the best. I hope he’s a boy and I look forward to having him. I’m going to take him hunting and fishing and gay bashing,” explained Johnston.

He also said his infamous Myspace page was only a joke. “My friends created it and I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I can’t even use a computer, but Senator McCain and I plan to take internet classes together.”

Regarding his political views, Johnston said he was as clueless on the topic as her future mother-in-law is. “I like that guy Obama, but I’m cheering for the Palin-McCain ticket. I just hope she wins. She’s my future mother-in-law and being in office with take her off my back for some years.”