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Posts Tagged ‘Palin

Election fever refuses to die. Lindsay Lohan continues to support Barack Obama.

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New York, NY, November 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- Even after the election ended with a certain victory of

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

Linsay Lohan with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, who wishes Lindsay kept her mouth shut in front of the cameras for once.

 Democratic Barack Obama, people with little or no life continue the election fever, supporting either president-elect Obama, or Governor Sarah Palin.

Lindsay Lohan continues to make declarations about her support for Barack Obamahim, much to the dismay of the president-elect, who would rather not be associated with her. “It’s worse than being linked with Ayers,” said the president-elect according to a source close to him who asked to remain anonymous (Michelle told us).

In her latest gaffe, Lindsay Lohan spoke in an interview with Maria Menounos in “Access Hollywood,” about her experience during Election Day. “It was really exiting, all the boys and the booze and the girls. It was an amazing feeling. It’s our first colored president.”

In other news, Sarah Palin was offered 2 million dollars for starring on a porn movie. Porn film director Cezar Capone included an extra $100,000 dollars and a brand new snowmobile if Todd is willing to co-start the picture.

Palin declined the offer, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s unethical, immoral, opportunistic, indecent and against all the values and things I believe in. Besides, I save more than that in the lawyer and the trips that the state of Alaska pays for me and my family.”

Obama answers questions in press conference after victory.

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Washington, D.C., November 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a press conference, president-elect Barack

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Obama answered several questions about the post-campaign and the way his administration will be handled.

Q: Mr. President elect, do you think you and senator John McCain will be able to overcome your differences and work together for the sake of the nation?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you and the Clintons work together to smooth differences within the Democratic party?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Will you and Biden be able to prepare a Cabinet and a team before you arrive to the White House?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Are the American people going to recover from this economic crisis?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can the US become again, not only a superpower, but a country admired by its values and principles?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think we can achieve victory in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think it’s possible for the US and our allies to dismantle Iran’s nuclear program?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you work with Governor Palin as an advisor?
A: Ah… No, we can not.

Obama says, among other things, that McCain will “say anything.”

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Tampa, FL, October 20th, (Reuters).- Democratic candidate Barack Obama gave a speech at Tampa, Florida,

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but please don't call her namesm," asked the candidate.

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but no name calling, please," asked the candidate.

in which he said many different things in order to appeal to voters. One of them was an attack on McCain, claiming “he (McCain) will say anything, do anything. Now, is there anything you’d like me to say or do?”

He also claimed that the race will tighten as it comes to a close. “That’s what happens at the end of campaigns. Even when there are substantial leads. We can still snatch defeat from victory, so don’t underestimate us. You know, Hillary Clinton is not the first politician to declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ too soon.”

He also spoke about the attacks that he has received lately, mostly from Sarah Palin. “Look, I’ve been called worse on the basketball court.”

He also spoke about the recent endorsement given to him by the former Joint Chief of Staff, Colin Powell. “Until now, I was afraid that he’d join the ‘Blacks against Obama’ group, which, fortunately, is very small. Just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson.”

An updated Reagan comment brought cheers from the crowd, “At this rate, the question isn’t just ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago?’, it’s ‘Are you better off now than four hours ago? The crisis has even affected me and my campaign: I’m accepting change now.”

He ended his speech with a simple comment: “I’m a little too awesome.”

The Palin-McCain ticket goes showbiz. McCain stars on Letterman. Palin on SNL.

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New York, NY, October 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an effort to both reach a wider audience and get

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

sympathy from voters, the Palin-McCain ticket has gone into showbiz, starring in famous shows that cover a much bigger audience than their political debates could ever have. Both shows are based in New York.

McCain now stars in his own show, called “The Late Show with John McCain.” To the surprise of everyone, the first guest of the show was its former host, David Letterman.  They talked about the two items that American people care most about: Palin’s qualifications and Obama’s relationship with Ayers.

“They (Obama and Ayers) are driving cross country and having dinner together,” claimed McCain. “And amongst Governor Palin’s greatest qualifications, the best one is that she has stood up for the truth and reminded this (the Obama-Ayers connection) to the American people. And don’t miss her in the next SNL. She will wipe the floor with Tina Fey. Yes, that one.”

When Letterman started asking harder questions, McCain interrupted him, “It’s not the time to raise anyone’s taxes, except yours. I guarantee you when I become president, I’ll do it. First executive order”

“I’m sorry, I screwed up,” apologized Letterman.

McCain finished the show announcing that tomorrow’s guest will be Joe the Plumber.

On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, will become a permanent member of SNL, substituting Tina Fey who has recently been impersonating Palin.

“It’s about darn time I showed all them (Hockey Moms and Joe Sixpacks) who the real comedian is, and who the person who has palled with terrorists and wants to raise your taxes is,” said Governor Palin, confusing the attacks she was supposed to aim at Fey with the ones she’s been aiming at Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin finds Sarah Palin innocent of power abuse.

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Anchorage, AK, October 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Sarah Palin was found

Sarah Palin winks to the cam as she announces that she found herself innocent of all charges. "Well, darn it, we sure showed 'em how to conduct a six-pack style investigation, didn't we, fellas?"

Sarah Palin winks to the cam as she announces that she found herself innocent of all charges. "Well, darn it, we sure showed 'em how to conduct a six-pack style investigation, didn't we, fellas?"

innocent by the commision formed by Sarah Palin to investigate the accusation of power abuse which had been filed by Sarah Palin against Sarah Palin.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s officials released their report yesterday that clears Sarah Palin of any wrongdoing in the firing of Stormtrooper Walter Monegan.

Sarah Palin is the subject of a legislative investigation into whether she abused her power as governor by firing her public safety commissioner, Stormtrooper Walter Monegan.  Monegan, says he was dismissed for resisting pressure from Palin’s husband, Todd Palin, to fire state police officer Mike Wooten, Palin’s former brother-in-law, and who, according to Palin “made my sister miserable even though she gave him the best years of her life.”

Lawmakers are expected to release their own findings today. Campaign officials for McCain and Palin said the legislative investigation is filled with partisanship and is politically bent, so it’s not objective or fair anymore.

“Sara Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin, on the contrary, has nothing to win or at stake politically and therefore, it’s objective, reliable and truthful. By the way, Sarah Palin found Sarah Palin innocent,” commented McCain spokesman Taylor Griffin, who distributed the campaign’s report.

Griffin said the report was written by the McCain-Palin campaign staff and based on public filings and interviews with a completly unattached and objective witness: Todd Palin.

Two new superheroes come to rescue America: Liberating Liberal and Mega Maverick.

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Washington, D.C., October 8th, 2008, (Reuters).- As of today, America will be safer than ever, as two new

Liberating Liberal and Mega Maverick are here to save the day.

Liberating Liberal and Mega Maverick are here to save the day.

superheroes just came out to defend American economy (from Bush) and attack the terrorists (in Iran).

Liberating Liberal vowed to protect Americans, and in particular middle class Americans and their wallets from evil villians such as Texas Terror and Viceful Vice. His powers include almost instant teleportation, (for example, he can go from St. Louis to Kansas City in a blink), magnetic fields handling, (which he uses to disarm people who cling to their guns) and mind controling (to bend the press’s will his way).

Mega Maverick, on the other hand, is out to attack all those who might give reasonable probability that in the future, they may or may not harm America. His main enemies are Iraqi Iranian and Eevil Eenternet. His powers include force barriers (to protect his sidekick, Hindering Hockeymom), self-cloning (to visit all of his houses at the same time), and immortality (so that he can stay in Iraq for 100 years).

Each of them is accompanied by a sidekick. Liberating Liberal is assisted by Bumbling Biden while Mega Maverick is accompanied by Hindering Hockeymom. Their powers are not as impressive. Hindering Hockeymom has invisibility, which she uses to escape from “gotcha” media and appear only in safe places, while Bumbling Biden does best when he does nothing at all.

First Dudes’ debate goes well. “I just love Todd’s snow machine.”: Bill.

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New York, NY, September 24th, 2008, (Reuters).- The first First Dudes’

se me olvido

Todd giving Palin from the Palin-McCain ticket advice privatley in a clear, unambiguous way that doesn't make her look weak, as advised by Bill.

debate went smoothly, with Bill Clinton praising Todd’s ability to race snowmobiles. “I like it a lot,” he commented.

Fox’s Greta Van Susteren was the moderator in the debate in which Todd kept mostly silent while Bill offered him advice.

“It’s funny than when they hear ‘Clinton’ or ‘Palin’, it’s not us that people think about anymore, I feel a bit left out,” said Todd in one of his brief declarations.

Bill replied “Alaska’s First Dude is doing just fine.”

He also offered advise to Todd, who was resting his head on Bill’s shoulder, “Whenever you start changing the deck chairs and gender roles and family roles, you have to be prepared for psychological, as well as political, sparks to fly.”

“What do you think I should do?” asked Todd, to which Bill answered “the trick is to give support that is unambiguous and clear and to also be there with advise privatley, but do it in a way that doesn’t, in a funny way, make her look weak.”

Todd confessed to Bill that he felt intimidated by the media. Bill replied “Keep that smile, don’t get defensive, try to answer the best that you can and go on.”

The debate ended with Bill saying he admires Todd. “He must have something going if he can finish that 500 mile race with a broken arm,” Bill praised Todd.