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Posts Tagged ‘Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton ahead of McCain, Obama in new poll.

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Party Party's hopeful, Paris Hilton in her new ad, urging Americans to vote for her, "coz, it would be, like, totally cool."

Party Party's hopeful, Paris Hilton in her new ad, urging Americans to vote for her, "coz, it would be, like, totally cool."

Los Angeles, CA, August 6th, 2008 (Reuters).- A new Gallup poll taken yesterday showed socialite Paris Hilton ahead of hopefuls McCain and Obama in the presidential  race. According to the poll, if the elections were held today, Paris Hilton would take 42% of the votes, while Obama would get second place with 30% of the votes and McCain would be trailing close with 28%. The poll was taken by phone to adults 21 and up in the Beverly Hills area and has a 27.32% error margin.

 

 

 
 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

When asked why they would vote for Paris’s Party Party, the most common reasons people gave were that she’s hot and she couldn’t be dumber than Bush, although both arguments are still under debate.

 

Paris’s campaign started last week, after McCain’s camp released an ad comparing Obama to Hilton and Paris. Althought Paris didn’t comment back then, she decided later to throw her hat into the presidential race by founding the Party Party, and presenting a presidential plataform, based in “like, totally coolness and stuff.”

 

In her first presidential ad, Hilton introduces herself to the 42 American people that don’t know who she is. “Hey America, I’m Paris Hilton and I’m a celebrity too,” Hilton declares breezily. “Only I’m not from the olden days and I’m not promising change like that other guy. I’m just hot and I want America to know I’m, like, totally ready to lead.”

 

She also takes a jab at “that wrinkly white-haired guy” and vowes to end his super old policies. “Like, if I’m elected president and stuff, I’d be like, totally making dancing legal. I’d also enact a new cool, like, law or something that would allow other containers to be used to serve beer, instead of only buckets, you know?” says Paris in her commercial.

 

Hilton then offers an alternative US energy strategy, “I suggest that Americans just ask daddy for a couple thousand dollars increase in allowence, get rid of the second driver and buy the building in front of their school or workplace so they wouldn’t have to drive. Energy crisis solved, I’ll see you at the debates, bitches!”

 

Hilton then signs off by declaring that she is now mulling her choices for vice president. “I’m thinking Nicole Richie, unless she starts squealing too loud.”

 

“I’ll see you at the White House,” Hilton adds. “Oh, and I might paint it pink. Bye!”

 

In a related event, Hilton’s mother Kathy, burned 10,000 dollars in her yard as a message to McCain. “I just wanted to show him what I’m doing with the money I had set apart for his campaign. That’ll show him to bite the hand that  feeds him,” she concluded as minimum wage house service and reporters were holding back tears.

 

When asked for comments on Hilton’s lead, McCain commented, “Paris Hilton might not be as big a celebrity as Barack Obama, but she’s certanly more famous than me. I’m still going to win, but I’m open for the vice president ticket with her if that’s the only way I can serve my country.”

 

 

Lindsay Lohan fires back at police ‘gay’ remark

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Actress Lindsay Lohan making a statement from the LA County Sheriff's department

LOS ANGELES, CA, August 1st, 2008 (Reuters).- Linsday Lohan said Friday that police have no business getting involved in her personal life. 

The day before, Chief William Bratton said the paparazzi have become less of a problem thanks to Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan leading more moderate lifestyles.

“If you notice, since Britney started wearing panties and closing her legs; Paris got the hell out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue,” he told Channel 4 News.

On Friday, Miss Lohan was the only one of the three celebrities sober enough to speak to the media. “Police chiefs shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life. It’s inappropriate,” Lohan said in a video shot by paparazzi Friday and posted on TMZ.com. In the footage, Lohan and gal pal Samantha Ronson are shopping at Sport Mart (they don’t like Dicks).

Bratton later called a news conference outside police headquarters to clarify his position on the paparazzi. When asked about the Lohan remark, Bratton said his sister is also gay and that he “doesn’t discriminate that bitch either.”

McCain camp compares Obama to Spears, Hilton

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Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

AURORA, CO, July 31st, 2008 (Reuters). – John McCain’s presidential campaign on Wednesday released a withering television ad comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, suggesting the Democratic contender is little more than a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. 

McCain’s ad, titled “Celeb” and set to air in 11 battleground states, intercuts images of Obama on his trip to Europe last week with video of twenty-something pop stars Spears and Hilton, both better known for their childish off-screen antics, while the narrator goes:

(Sang to the tune of Briney Spears’ Lucky)
“This is a story about a candidate named Obama…

Early morning, he wakes up.
Knock, knock, knock on the door.
It’s time for make up, perfect smile.
It’s him they’re all waiting for.
They go…

Isn’t he lovely, this Hawaiian guy?

And they say…

CHORUS:

He’s so lucky, He’s a star,
but he lies, lies, lies about the war, thinking
if there’s nothing missing in Iraq,
then why do these calls come at night?

He’s a lost image, in a screen,
But there’s no one there to make him stop.
And Clinton’s billing, and he keeps on winning,
but tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…

Isn’t she lovely, this Hawaiian guy?
And they say…

CHORUS

He’s so lucky, He’s Obama.
But he tries, tries, tries, tries to raise your tax, thinking,
if there’s no Clinton sitting in my camp,
then why do these girls come at night?

(Spoken) Best Democrat, and the winner is…Obama!
(Spoken)I’m Ron Burgundy from Channel 4 News standing outside the arena waiting for Obama. Oh my god…here he comes!

Isn’t she lucky, this Hawaiian guy?
He is so lucky, but why does he lie?
If there’s no experience worthwhile in his life,
then why does he go to Afghanistan?”

At the end of the song, an image of the Republican candidate appears, speaking to the audience. “This ad is just the start, I’ve just begun. It’s clear that even though I can’t make you love me, I’m stronger and born to make you happy. I promise I will be there, I will keep you overprotected and deep in my heart. Whereas my rival is just plain crazy, toxic, intimidated and outrageous and leads a simple life. I tell you this from the bottom of my heart. Vote for me, that’s my only wish this year,” says the candidate in the last seconds of the commecial.

Obama’s campaign quickly responded with a commercial of its own, dismissing McCain’s complaints as “baloney” and “baseless.” Unlike McCain’s commercial, Obama’s focuses on how McCain’s campain bases itself on continuing attacks on his person. It has images of McCain and George Bush in coctkails parties while the narrator sings:

(Sung to the tune of Britney Spears’ Oops, I did it again)

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he did it again.
He made you believe they are not such close friends.
Oh baby, it might seem like it’s not Bush,
but it doesn’t mean that it’s not serious.
‘Cause to lose all his tenses,
That is just so typically his.
Oh baby, baby.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with your tax, got lost in war games.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think he’s hero.
That he’s right for the post.
He’s not that innocent.

You see my problem is this,
He spills my campain,
wishing my flaws, they truly exist.
I cry, hearing the waves,
Coz he says I’m a fool in so many ways.
But to lose all his lenses,
that is just so typically his.
Baby, oh

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He insulted my plans, too green for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…He thinks I’m too young,
that I’m a lame senator.
I’m not that innocent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(spoken) All aboard.
(spoken) Johny, before you go, there’s something I want you to have.
(spoken) George, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?
(spoken) Yeah, yes it is.
(spoken) But I thought that Katherine Harris had dropped it into the Florida ocean in the end.
(spoken) Well baby, I went down and got it for you.
(spoken) Oh, you shouldn’t have.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again to your vote.
Got lost in Vietnam, oh baby.
Oops!…You know that he’s sent from G. Bush.
He’s not that innocent.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with the hawks, got too old for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…You know he’s so nuts,
that he forgets what he posts.
You’re not that innocent”

When contacted for comments on both ads, Miss Hilton’s spokesdog Tinkerbell replied. “Miss Hilton has already contributed to both campains and already has someone to clean the bathroom. No further comment except that Miss Hilton thinks senator Obama is the iconic blonde of the decade.”

On a related note, both Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan were reported to have started bitching from their LA County Sheriff’s department cell and Wonderland Center rehabilitation facility room in West Hollywood respectively because they weren’t mentioned like Hilton and Spears in the commercials.

“Like, I’m a much bigger biotch than her, you know. I mean, hellooooo, what was he thinking when he chose to ignore me? I mean, everybody knows I’m more famous than Paris and shit,” commented Miss Richie.

Miss Lohan’s statements were not understandable due to her constant puking. Her nurse said she will issue a statement as soon as her hand is steady enough to type.