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Posts Tagged ‘South Ossetia

US slams Russian recognition of breakaway areas. “They’re not ready to be liberated yet,” said Bush.

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To read this article in Russian, go here. Эта статья по-русски:

http://tetarakihi.livejournal.com/9849.html

(Translation courtesy of Tarakihi)

Washington, D.C., August 26th, 2008, (Reuters).- The White House on Tuesday blasted Russia’s formal

The US is already sending its army with humanitarian aid to the area.

The US is already sending its army with humanitarian aid to the area.

recognition of two separatist Georgian provinces, South Ossetia and Abkhazia, calling it “irrational” behavior that is rejected by the world.

White House spokesman Tony Frappuchino said the US would use its veto power on the U.N. Security Council to make sure Russia’s move is “dead as an Afghan”. “The threath of a veto is a valid and brave move as long as it isn’t the French who use it.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Russia has no business declaring the provinces independent of U.S.-backed Georgia. “I think it is regrettable, just because they don’t speak Georgian, and their population is not Georgian, and they haven’t been governed by Georgia since the dissolution of the USSR, and they had been invaded by Georgia a couple of weeks ago, doesn’t mean they’re not part of Georgia. This puts Russia in opposition to Security Council resolutions, which is as bad as the invasions of Western Sahara, East Timor, Cyprus, the Palestinian Territories and Iraq, specially as a member of the P-5, which will have to drop Russia and become the Fantastic Four,” explained Rice in a press conference.

State Department spokesman Robert Wood said the U.S. is looking at a variety of options to respond. “We’re not trying to escalate anything, but we obviously can’t allow what Russia’s done to go without there being some consequences. In fact, if our troops weren’t busy invading other countries, we would have already used them to punish Russia for invading other countries.”

After the invasion of South Ossetia by Georgian forces, and the invasion of Georgia by Russian forces, the US sent the missile destroyer USS McFaul to the Georgian port of Batumi, to deliver humanitarian aid.

“Just because it’s a missile destroyer, doesn’t mean it carries missiles, but humanitarian aid. If we had meant to sent weapons, we would have sent a Red Cross vessel,” finished Rice.

Violence arises in former Soviet territory

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Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Critics of the Russian government argue that Russia is using the conflict to try its new Tsar Wars anti-missile system

Tskhinvali, Georgia, August 9th, 2008.- In a show of brute force tinted with political colors, Russia sent tanks into the contested province of South Ossetia and bombed with warplanes the Georgian town of Gori, escalating a conflict that could involve several nations.

The conflict started Friday night, when Georgia (NO, NOT THE US STATE) pounded the provincial capital of South Ossetia, Tskhinvali, with heavy artillery and rocket fire.

Russia’s prime minister Vladimir Putin, accused Georgia of “complete genocide.” “The actions of the Georgian powers in South Ossetia are, of course, a crime against its people.  We promise that our response will be much worse.”

In a movement that president Dmitry Medvedev called the “liberation of South Ossetia by peace keeping Russian forces,” Russian tanks and warplanes escalated the war by invading Tskhinvali and engaging the Georgian forces, as well as bombing the Georgian town of Gori, which has nothing to do with the conflict.

Russian ambassador to NATO, Dmitry Rogozin, declared, “Mission accomplished. 98% of Tskhinvali is in ruins, but the 2% that still stands is free to join the Russian Federation, whether they like it or not.”

Soon later, Georgia’s president Mikhail Saakashvili told reporters, “we can’t fight back the Russians, not with the bulk of our troops tied up in Iraq,” referring to the 3,000 Georgian troops, who, despite not speaking English, are fighting in the US led coalition in Iraq.

George Bush, who was attending the Beijing games, interrupted his martini break and declared “the Georgian troops must not pull out of Iraq to fight in their homeland. If they don’t fight the terrorists there, they will have to fight them in their homeland.”

When asked if the US would come to help his ally who has the third largest troop count in Iraq, Bush mumbled something about “not enough oil.” “Besides, this is all the Russian president’s fault because he invaded a country without international approval.”

On hearing those comments, president Medvedev replied “did not.” “Did too” ended Bush.

On a related note, several American students organizations organized protests all over the country. “We’re fed up with these invasions. They just make our teachers force us to learn names and capitals of countries we’ve never heard about. I mean, who can remember ‘Tskhinvali’ or ‘Medvedev’ in an exam?” said 10 year old student Bart Simpson.