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“Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record”: Bush

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By the end of the news conference, president Bush was so confident that he even made a racist joke about president Obama.

By the end of the news conference, president Bush was so confident that he even made a racist joke about president Obama.

Washington, D.C., January 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a final news conference, which the president called “the ultimate exit interview,” president Bush declared that Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record.

He also commented on other issues that marked his presidency as well as his legacy.

He defended the image of the US overseas and denied that it had been tarnished during his administration. “I dissagree that this assesment that people view America in a dim light. People still understand America stands for freedom, why just a month ago, Arab people were so pleased to see me that they offered their shoes to me.”

He also defended his record on human rights, including imprisonment without a trial of suspected terrorists and use of tough interrogation methods at Guantanamo Bay, as well as overriding civil rights at home in order to obtain local information. “Yes, I did all that, but I just couldn’t let terrorists come into our land and destroy our basic rights.”

Most of all, he spoke about the Iraq war, defending his decisions, “I did what I had to do, there weren’t any mistakes at all. I grant that there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction at all, and there were abuses at the Abu Ghraib prision, but those weren’t mistakes, just things that didn’t go according to plan.”

When asked about the time he claimed victory under a banner with big huge letters reading “mission accomplished,” he explained “We’ve clarified this before, it was a banner put up by the janitor who had finished his working shift that same day. It sent the wrong message to those that will always look for the wrong message.”

He also defended his decision to send an additional 30,000 troops. “The question is, in the long run, will this democracy survive? and that’s going to be a question for future presidents.” It wasn’t clear if was referring to the US or Iraq.

Regarding the response to Katrina, he denied it had been slow. “Don’t tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm passed. I have heard nothing but congratulations and appreciation from them, while I have never heard a single complaint from the people that died.”

Regarding his involvement of peace in the Middle East, he commented “I laid out a vision of what peace would be like, I think I have advanced the process and now Palestinians and Israelis are closer than ever.”

He also spoke about the US economy’s state as he leaves office. “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

Finally, he mentioned what he believes is the most important issue that the next president will face: “An attack on the United States. That’s a much more important issue than the economic crisis, because it’s real and it actually affects American lives. Despite sending the country to wars and ripping apart the US civil rights, America isn’t safe. I wish I could report that’s not the case.”

Meanwhile, a CNN poll revealed that right after the news conference, Bush’s popularity increased a bit. He’s now more popular than chickenpox but still trails behind taxes.

Israel warns terrorists of upcoming bombings on civilians.

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The Gaza infrastructure is in ruins, with basic public services in poor conditions or non-existent. And this was before the Israeli planes arrived.

The Gaza infrastructure is in ruins, with basic public services in poor conditions or non-existent. And this was before the Israeli planes arrived.

Gaza City, Gaza Strip, January 10th, 2009, (Reuters).- Israel sent to the Gaza Strip today airplanes that dropped both bombs and leaflets that warn terrorists that planes will be sent to drop bombs and leaflets.

The leaflets had messages such as “The Israeli Defense Forces will Attack your terror houses, schools, and mosques. The Israel Defense Forces are not against you, desipite killing you and treating you like secluded dogs. Stay safe by not being near a likely target, for example, any building that is still standing.”

Unfortunately, most of the terrorists weren’t able to receive the message. This was due to two causes. When the bombs were dropped before the leaflets, there weren’t any survivors left to read them. When the leaflets were dropped before the bombs, the leaflets were destroyed by the bombs.

There was one unconfirmed report of a terrorist eldery woman who actually survived to pick up one of the leaflets. However, she was still unable to know what it said, as it was written in Hebrew and she didn’t know how to read anyway.

Regarding the UN call for a cease-fire, Hamas complained that they weren’t consulted, but the UN ignored them as they don’t officially exist. Israel ignored the UN call and  denied any civilian casualities, despite the fact that Gaza has no army. Moreover, Tel-Aviv warned the UN not to send any more trucks with humanitary aid to the Gaza region or they will be bombed again on the ground of being used to deliver food and supplies to terrorist families and children.

Some sources in the Israeli government who talked on condition of anonimity clam that Israel is preparing a third phase that consists of a pre-emptive attack, that will be followed by a fourth one that will seek to liberate Gaza.

So far, the recent bombings have killed 800 terrorists, 400 of them were potential terrorists (children) and 200 of them were terrorist creators (women).

New Anti-terrorist security measure: Santa’s List.

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Allegedly leaked picture of Santa being tortured by the US forces at Guantanamo in order to get his files for air flight passenger screening.

Allegedly leaked picture of Santa being tortured by the US forces at Guantanamo in order to get his files for air flight passenger screening.

Washington, DC,  December 16th, 2007 (Reuters).- The US goverment unveiled today a new anti-terror security measurement that, according to Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, will enable officials to spot any passangers that might pose a terrorist threat to the USA air travel system; the use of Santa’s list and all his files.

The list, Chertoff assured, will allow the US security agents to find out who has been naughy or nice.The new security measurement will have potential passangers pre-screened, and checked twice. They will also have their records checked to find out what kind of toys they asked for when they were children. Air rifles, cowboy guns and little army men will allow the airline to either decline service to the passanger in question, or change his destination to Abu Ghabu, at the airlines discretion.

When confronted with questions about the rumors that Santa’s list and files had been obtained throught torture techniques, Chertoff answered: “The Supreme Court has ruled that the North Pole, like Guantanamo, doesn’t fall under the jurisdiction of the United States, and as such, their individuals aren’t entitled to the protection of its laws. Nevertheless, the US government has never resorted to nor will ever resort again to any kind of torture technique, which we throuroughly condemn. ”
The measurement, he added, is only the first step to a more complete security program that will keep America safe. “By 2010, cameras will have been installed in every home in America. We will see you when you’re sleeping. We will know when you’re awake. We’ll know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.”
 
When confronted with the complaints of individual rights watch groups, Chertoff commented “You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I’m telling you why: Terrorists are comin’ to town.”