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Palin spends $150,000 in donations on clothes and accesories. “It’s needed to make her look like an average American woman:”

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"Some of the money was used in advertising Palin's look", said Schmitt.

"Some of the money was used in advertising Palin's look", said Schmitt.

Denver, CO, October 22nd, 2008, (Reuters).- The Palin-McCain ticket admitted today that over $150,000 in donations were spent on Sarah Palin’s look. Spokesmodel Tracey Schmitt explained the issue to the press.

“With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it’s remarkable that we’re spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses, when we should be speaking about Obama palling with terrorists and how McCain is a maverick. Besides, it was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign, for example, the Clothes for Unemployed Pregnant Teens of Alaska, (CUTA).”

“Moreover, we wanted to make it difficult or at least very expensive for Tina Fey,” finished Schmitt.

When asked if donation money was used for other of Palin’s personal expenses, Schmitt categorically denied it, “Of course not, she’s a decent an honest person. She has never used campaign money for her personal expenses. For example, when her children traveled far from home, from Wasillia to Anchorage, Alaskan money was used, not campaign money.”

In a related news, Governor Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, answered Brandon Garcia’s, a third grade 8-year old child, question about what a vice-president does.

“That’s a darn good question, Brandon, and you betcha that a vice president has a really great job, because not only are they there to support the president’s agenda, they’re like the team member, the team mate to that president,” Palin said.

“But also, they’re in charge of the United States Senate. In addition to bribing federal judges in order to avoid murders of babies like you, they lobby congressmen in order to make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for you, and your family and your classroom. And it’s a great job and I look forward to having that job, if God grants me the chance,” Palin ended.

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The Palin-McCain ticket goes showbiz. McCain stars on Letterman. Palin on SNL.

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New York, NY, October 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an effort to both reach a wider audience and get

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

sympathy from voters, the Palin-McCain ticket has gone into showbiz, starring in famous shows that cover a much bigger audience than their political debates could ever have. Both shows are based in New York.

McCain now stars in his own show, called “The Late Show with John McCain.” To the surprise of everyone, the first guest of the show was its former host, David Letterman.  They talked about the two items that American people care most about: Palin’s qualifications and Obama’s relationship with Ayers.

“They (Obama and Ayers) are driving cross country and having dinner together,” claimed McCain. “And amongst Governor Palin’s greatest qualifications, the best one is that she has stood up for the truth and reminded this (the Obama-Ayers connection) to the American people. And don’t miss her in the next SNL. She will wipe the floor with Tina Fey. Yes, that one.”

When Letterman started asking harder questions, McCain interrupted him, “It’s not the time to raise anyone’s taxes, except yours. I guarantee you when I become president, I’ll do it. First executive order”

“I’m sorry, I screwed up,” apologized Letterman.

McCain finished the show announcing that tomorrow’s guest will be Joe the Plumber.

On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, will become a permanent member of SNL, substituting Tina Fey who has recently been impersonating Palin.

“It’s about darn time I showed all them (Hockey Moms and Joe Sixpacks) who the real comedian is, and who the person who has palled with terrorists and wants to raise your taxes is,” said Governor Palin, confusing the attacks she was supposed to aim at Fey with the ones she’s been aiming at Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

First debate polls show that Americans don’t understand statistics.

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Washington, DC, September 29th, 2008, (Reuters).- Just two days after the

McCain repeating a question to Obama's good ear because he couldn't hear it the first time.

McCain repeating a question to Obama's good ear because he couldn't hear it the first time.

first presidential debate that took place in the campus of the University of Mississippi Friday night, different polls have confirmed a tendency that experts had been long suspecting: Americans don’t understand statistics.

The CNN poll conducted after the debate with 501 undecided voters had the following results:

64% didn’t understand what “percentage” is.

24% thought an error margin was a page not being printed the right way.

13% said there was nothing better on TV that night.

The CBS poll involved telephone interviews with 524 adults and 3 minors and gave the following results:

35% found out that Obama really is black.

35% found out that McCain really is old.

31% felt dissapointed because Tina Fey didn’t show up.

Finally, the Fox News poll involved online interviews and gave the following results:

45% wanted to see more pics of Palin in her stars and stripes bikini.

32% asked for our credit card number in exchange of naked pictures.

23% were busy sending “internets” for their computer illiterate husbands.

1% noticed that the percentages on these polls didn’t add 100%.

1% went ahead and did the math just now.

Palin from the Palin-McCain ticket plays it safe.

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The villages, FL, September 21st, 2008, (Reuters).- Sarah Palin played it safe

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton in the once-in-a-life-time call to stop sexism in the campaign. "I can see Russia from my house."

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton in the once-in-a-life-time call to stop sexism in the campaign. "I can see Russia from my house," commented Palin.

 Sunday on her first trip on the campaign she now calls “the Palin-McCain ticket” to the battleground state of Florida.

In order to show how sure she is of her credentials, she went to perhaps the easiest place in Florida to get a large Republican turnout, stuck mostly to the themes she’s hit since the Republican convention and took no questions from reporters or the crowd.

Nevertheless, she was welcomed like a star, with tens of thousands cramming into a plaza and nearby streets. Some waited more than five hours in 92-degree heat to see her speak for 23 minutes. Palin told the crowd her daughters Piper and Willow got to go to Disney World, although this time they will be flanked by security in order to avoid any other embarrassing suprise pregnancy.

Her remarks hit most of the same points she’s made since McCain chose her. She did, however, update the stump speech to reflect last week’s turmoil in the financial markets.

“This week when the economic crisis threatened the livelihood of millions of Americans, John McCain took a clear stand and supported the goverment bailout even if he’s always condemned government bailouts. Our opponent refused to even take a stand on the position,” Palin said.

In another show of how much the party trusts Palin’s capacity, the Palin-McCain campaign has asked to reduce time for questions and answers in the Palin-Biden debate and to completly eliminate any interaction between the debaters. “We want her to focus on giving our message, rather than to be defending herself. We believe it could save us some money in air time,” a Palin-McCain campaign spokesperson said.

When asked about her lack of credentials in foreign relationships, he answered “Nonsense. We have checked her knowledge on the subject with very throughout questions, like ‘What foreign country is the closest to Alaska?’ and she answered ‘Russia’ before we even finished asking the question. Of course, with all that pressure anyone can forget that the correct answer is Canada, but we still believe she’s more than ready to be a heart attack away from the presidency.”