White House asks Americans go to into a $700B debt to help Americans who are in debt.

WASHINGTON – The Bush administration is asking Congress to let the

President Bush speaking about his plan. "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

government buy $700 billion in toxic mortgages in the largest financial bailout since the Great Depression, according to a draft of the plan obtained by The Associated Press.

The plan would give the government broad power to buy with tax payer’s money the bad debt of any U.S. financial institution for the next two years. It would raise the statutory limit on the national debt from $10.6 trillion to $11.3 trillion to make room for the massive rescue. The proposal does not specify what the government would get in return from financial companies for the federal assistance. When asked about this, the president said “Oppsie!”

“We’re going to work with Congress to get a bill done quickly,” President Bush said at the White House. Speaking fast so as not to discuss the details of the plan, he said, “This is a big package because it was a big problem. There’s no need to worry now on who’s to blame for this economy crisis, which really isn’t a crisis because the economy is sound solid, but we’ll manage to blame it on the terrorists eventually.”

Administration officials and members of Congress were to negotiate throughout the weekend in a non-disclosed spa-resort with casino on how to best use the taxpayers’ money in order to avoid dire economic consequences.

Bush said he’s making average citizens take on the biggest debt since the depression because he’s worried the financial troubles could “ripple throughout” the economy and affect average citizens. “The risk of doing nothing far outweighs the risk of the package, and over time we’re going to get a lot of the money back. It shouldn’t take more than 50 or 70 years.”

He added, “For some obscure reason which I can’t begin to phantom, people are beginning to doubt our system, people were losing confidence and I understand it’s important to have confidence in our financial system.”

“In my judgment, based upon the advice of a lot of people who know how markets work because I certanly don’t, this problem wasn’t going to be contained to just the financial community,” the president said. He said he was concerned about “Sesame Street” and that what happens on “Wall Street” affects “Sesame Street” right before one of Dick Cheney’s aides came to correct him.

Satellite images prove that tons of killing, not surge, helped reduce violence in Iraq.

Baghdad, Iraq, September 19th, 2008, (Notimex).- Satellite images taken at night show heavily Sunni Arab

The surge has nevertheless brought safety and comfort to Iraqi children.

neighborhoods of Baghdad began emptying before a U.S. troop surge in 2007, graphic evidence of ethnic killing that preceded a drop in violence, according to a report published today.

The images support the view of international refugee organizations and Iraq experts that a major population shift was a key factor in the decline in sectarian violence, particularly in the Iraqi capital, instead of the troop surge that came too late and hadn’t much left to kill.

Minority Sunni Arabs were driven out of many neighborhoods by Shi’ite militants enraged by the bombing of the Samarra mosque in February 2006. The bombing, blamed on the Sunni militant group al Qaeda, sparked a wave of sectarian violence, which resulted in the killings of thousands. As a result, there are much less people alive to continue fighting.

“By the launch of the surge, many of the targets of conflict had either been killed or fled the country, and they turned off the lights when they left,” geography professor John Agnew of the University of California Los Angeles, who led the study, said in a statement. “Basically, people were already dead before the US army could come and kill them.”

Palin’s husband refuses to testify. “She would fire me out of the house”: First Dude.

The McCain-Palin's campaign has decided to issue a different independent subpoena for Todd Palin that isn't politically tainted with partisanship.

Anchorage, AK, September 18th, 2008, (Reuters).- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s husband has refused to testify in the investigation of his wife’s alleged abuse of power, and key lawmakers said Thursday that uncooperative witnesses are effectively sidetracking the probe until after Election Day. 
 
Todd Palin, who, unlike McCain, can send “internets” and participates in state business by e-mail, was among 13 people subpoenaed by the Alaska Legislature. Palin’s lawyer sent a letter to the lead investigator saying Palin objected to the probe and would not appear to testify on Friday.

“The objections boil down to the fact that the Legislative Council investigation is no longer a legitimate investigation because it has been subjected to complete partisanship and does not operate with the authority that it had at the time of its initial authorization,” McCain-Palin presidential campaign spokesman Ed O’Callaghan said. “We refuse to allow this blatant manipulation of procedures for political gain until after the election so that we can win it.”

Sarah Palin initially welcomed the bipartisan investigation into accusations that she dismissed the state’s public safety commissioner because he refused to fire her ex-brother-in-law, a state trooper. “Hold me accountable,” she said to an accountant at the time.

But she has increasingly opposed it since Republican presidential candidate John McCain tapped her as his running mate. Now she claims that she was missunderstood as she clearly said “Hold me a corner table.”

The McCain campaign dispatched a legal team to Alaska including O’Callaghan, a former top U.S. terrorism prosecutor from New York to bolster Palin’s local lawyer. “There’s no need to alarm, there’s nothing to worry about, it’s going to be perfectly fine. His fees are going to be payed with campaign contributions,” McCain reassured his top aides.

In the letter, Palin attorney Thomas Van Flein, who in addition to representing the Palins also represents the state of Alaka lists nine objections to the Legislature’s investigation into Gov. Palin. Van Flein also argues the subpoena is “unduly burdensome” because Palin has travel plans that require him to be out of the state. “This legislation clearly violates the people who might have broken the law’s right to do as they please and leave the state and go where the state powers have no jurisdiction, now that’ll be 150 dollars please,” said the attorney.

The Government suspends stock trading to stop market meltdown

Moscow, Russia (or New York, NY?), September 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- Today, the government suspended

This graphic shows how the markets and the economy are solid and sound. Nobody knows where though.

trading on its two main stock markets for a second day Wednesday as shares nosedived and officials pledged 44 billion dollars to fight collapsing investor confidence.

The move came a day after stocks suffered their worst drop since the 1998 financial crisis, with the RTS falling 11.47 percent Tuesday and the MICEX down 17.45 despite a one-hour suspension of trading on both markets. Analysts aren’t sure if this happened in Moscow or Wall Street.

Meantime, candidates are adjusting their messages to adjust to the reality.

Democratic hopeful Barack Obama talks directly into the camera in his new ad on how on he’ll fix an economy in which “paychecks are flat and home values are falling. Unless there is change, my change, your 1.6 million dollar houses, like mine, will be worth only 1 million in the next 4 years.”

On the other hand, McCain and running mate Sarah Palin softened opposition to government bailouts, accepting the U.S. takeover of the nation’s largest insurer as unfortunate but necessary to protect ordinary American seven house owners.

“The shot that has been called by the Feds — it’s understandable but very, very disappointing that taxpayers are called upon another one,” Palin told reporters during a visit to delicatessen in Cleveland. It wasn’t clear if she was meaning the bailout, the campaign expenses or the cost of both recently held national conventions.

Blog author takes vacation. Readers organize a demonstration.

Mexico City, Mexico, September 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- As of today, the

All the readers of this blog marching through Mexico City

author of this blog is taking some vacations to see if he can come up with fresh ideas.

Readers of this blog staged a demonstration in Mexico City’s downtown, to protest for the interruption of this blog. It was a unique demostration as they promissed not to do it again.

Greek Malakas pretend they are robin hood.

Athens, Greece, September 4th, 2008. (Reuters).- A group of Greek Malakas

A camera still shows that these ladies mean business. Local police has advised not to put up any resistence and do as they say.

who thought they were some sort of “Robin Hood” stormed a diner/minimart on Thursday and handed out basic items for free in the latest of a wave of raids provoked by soaring consumer prices.

About 20 unarmed malakas, mostly dressed as if they were going to a disco, but with black hoods, carried out the midday robbery in the northern city of Thesaaloniki, police said.

Local media have labelled the raiders “Robin Hoods” following previous raids.

“They take only basic items, like cellphones, perfume, gel, mousse, cologne, frappe coffee, pocketbooks, ouzo, soccerballs, Greek flags, and bouzokis, which they drop on the street for people to collect,” a police official said.

“They have never stolen money or hurt anyone. They call people theo or thea, and play Euro club or Greek folk.” he said.

“When they attack without hoods, people are surprised to see that they are very attractive munare,” ended the policeman.

The rising cost of living has replaced unemployment as Greeks’ main concern. Inflation is officially running at a 10-year high of 4.9 percent which means that now Greeks go out for drinks only thrice a week.

French businesses loath to end 35 hour week.

Paris, France, September 3rd, 2008, (Reuters).- A new law threatens to

French president Nicolas Sarkozy showing the new version of the French flag. "It has velcro on the red and blue squares, so that they can be easily detached in case of attack," explained Sarkozy.

become the coup de grace for France’s decade-long experiment with a 35-hour work week — a policy that inspired both envy and ridicule in Europe and the U.S.

But the short work week proved difficult to implement, specially on times of terror attacks, when terrorists could outwait policemen’s 35 hour shift.

Now a new law lets companies negotiate more hours from employees. But it’s being met with resistance, even from the employers it was meant to benefit, suggesting President Nicolas Sarkozy’s has little option than calling Jerry Lewis for help.

Previous efforts to erode France’s 35-hour week have been routinely met with protests, prompting the government to send the army against the protestors. However, there was never any conflict or loss of life as the French soldiers surrendered unconditionally early.

This time, however, workers have put up little fuss because the law went into force during the summer vacation season and so protesting would be like work.

“Sarah Palin is perfect VP material”; Sarah Palin

St. Paul, MN, September 2nd, 2008, (Reuters).- One day before her speech at

Sarah Palin supports shotguns as mosquito repelents, snowmobile credits for low income families, and making moose hunting season a national holiday.

the Republican convention, Republican Vice President hopeful Sarah Palin sought to ditch the rumors that she doesn’t have the experience to be a vice president and potential president as well as to quiet the rumors about her inability to run her own family.

“I’m excellent VP material,” Palin explained. “I have many qualities that completment McCain’s blanks, for example, a life expectancy of more than 3 years.”

“I also make a very good resources administrator. Why, I have my personal attorney, Van Flein, on the state’s payroll. That’s a savings of $95,000 dollars alone. He will clearly demonstrate to the ethics commission that I don’t mix personal business with state business.”

On the Troopergate, she explained, “the fact that that damn bastard ditched my sister after she gave him the best years of her life, and still has a job, doesn’t mean that I would fire the man that had to fire him. In any case, my personal attorney who I appointed as the state attorney is investigating my case to prove my innocence.”

Regarding her daughter Bristol’s pregancy, she commented, “Well, that just goes to prove that abstinence is the best sex teaching to youngsters. If only it was taught as the only sex option in schools. However, ma princess Bristol and the young man, Levi, that she will marry, are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of great-great-grandda McCain who has already offered them a room in one of his houses,  if only he could remember which.”

Finally, Wasilla Mayor Dianne Keller, added that Palin’s work as former Wasilla Mayor is almost the same as running the country. “The process for running the city of Wasilla is probably much like the process of running our country. You hand out gun licences for bear shooting, authorize mooseburger restaurants and have the Russians a few miles away.”

Gustav sideswipes New Orleans. Bush: “Response is much better than Katrina.”

New Orleans, LA, September 1st, 2008, (Reuters).- President Bush declared

Bush, and McCain, who is NOT his friend, bought the people from New Orleans a cake to cheer them up. "Now they can have their cake and eat it too," said Bush.

that the government had responded a lot better to Hurricane Gustav than it did to deadly Hurricane Katrina, which obliterated the Gulf Coast 3 years ago.

“The coordination on this storm is a lot better than on – during Katrina. All the oil plataforms are safe,” said Bush as he shaked hands with emergency workers and posed for pictures.

“The federal government is very much involved in helping the states. Our job is to assist, unlike the guys that handled the Katrina disaster, who did a flood of a job,” added Bush. Later on, he met recently appointed FEMA director David Paulison and told him, “Paulie, you’re doing a hell of a job, unlike that Brownie guy.”

New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin also spoke to the media, “I was hoping that this would happen, that we would be able to stand before America, before everyone and say that we had success, unlike the mayor that handled Katrina.”

“We took some heavy measures,” further explained Nagin. “We evacuated the people with much more anticipation. That was easy as there were still a lot of homeless people from the Katrina disaster still living in cars or mobile homes. We also stopped giving buses to schools and we painted them gray, instead of yellow so we could use them in disasters.”

Regarding the preparations for hurricane Hanna-Barbera, which is expected to reach the US this week, Nagin commented, “Give us a break, they go from giving us three years to three days to prepare. It almost makes believe global warming really exists.”

Help wanted ad for nanny: “My kids are a pain.”

Springfield, God knows where, August 30th, 2008, (Reuters).- It was an

Lucille Botzkowski was the only one brave enough to take on the Simpson's children

unusually honest ad from a blue high-haired woman, for a live-in nanny, a 1,000-word tome beginning, “My kids are a pain.” But it worked, attracting a brave soul who’s never worked as a nanny before.

“If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don’t even bother replying,” Marjorie Bouvier Simpson, a mother of three in the suburbs of Springfield,  wrote August 25th in her advertisement on Craiglist.

“They can be a tad difficult to work for. Specially the boy, he’s loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure.”

Simpsons, a 38-year-old housewife whose husband works as a safety supervisor in a nuclear plant, eventually hired Lucille Botzkowski, a 50-year-old recently released inmate to take care of Bartholomew, 10, Lisa Marie, 8 and Margaret, 1. 

“I made a commitment to stay in the job for at least a year,” Botzkowski told the Times. “I met the oldest child, but not the others, which my lawyer said was crazy — to accept the job without meeting all the kids. So we’ll see.” She noted that one of the pluses is that the children are all in school for several hours each day.

Meanwhile, Simpson told the Times: “I hope she likes it here. I sent the ad to one of my old sitters and she said she felt it was pretty accurate, which sort of stung a little bit.”