States seeking to ban mandatory health insurance

President Obama declared that if his health reform isn't approved by Congress, he himself would make sure that every American gets health care. "It might take me a long time though," he warned.

Jefferson City, Mo, February 1st, 2010, (Reuters).- After a State of the Union Address, where president Barack Obama pushed for a health care reform, conservative politicians all over the country have responded with state constitutional amendments to ban mandatory health insurance.

“We are just defending the right of every American citizen to pay for their doctor and medicine bills from their own pockets,” said Missouri Sen. Jane Cunningham. “This no-birth-certificate president seems to forget that this country is based on the patriotic principles of free market for corporations. If we allowed free or even cheap health benefits to society and poor communities the country would turn to socialism and communism, just like it happened in countries with cheap or free healthcare, like Canada and the United Kindgom.”

These amendments, called “Freedom of Payment in Health Care Act” in most states could be contested in courts since they will go against federal law. However, since the Supreme Court ruled in late January that corporations can adopt as many lawyers as they can afford, states might be able to uphold these laws.

Michelle Obama complains about her daughters’ dolls: “We didn’t get any royalties”

Ty Inc. is also releasing in the near future a new doll for its "Pregant Palin" series. It'll be called, "Bristol with Baby," and will have nothing to do with Alaska's governor's daughter.

Washington, D.C., January 27th, 2008, (Reuters).- Michelle Obama expressed her disagreement with the dolls that are being produced and that are named after her daughters, Sasha and Malia.

The new first lady told the press “We believe it is innapropiate to use two young private, totally average citizens for marketing purposes. First, because the election is already over.  Second, because we didn’t get any royalties.”

Ty Inc.’s spokesperson Tania Lundeen told the media “There’s nothing in the dolls that refers to the Obama girls. Just because they are black, represent about the same age as the real Sasha and Malia, and they are called Sasha and Malia, doesn’t mean that they are replications of Sasha and Malia. They have nothing to do with them. Really! Honest! We chose those traits just because they are full of hope and change. ”

She also took the opportunity to make an important announcement, “Most of all, we want to remind you that each dolls is sold for only $9.99, and if you buy both of them, you get a free copy of ‘The audacity of hope’ as a bonus.”

Secret service releases to the public the secret codenames of the Obamas and the Bidens.

Washington, D.C., November 11th, 2008, (Reuters).- The United States Secret Service released today

Secret service agents risk their lives for the good of the country. They also have to disguise themselves according to the occasion. In the picture, Secret agents prepared for the last visit of John Paul II.

the secret codenames of every member of the Obama and Biden families.

“We figured it would be faster for our agents to learn them if we just posted them on internet and they could look at it whenever they needed. We hope it greatly reduces calls asking questions like ‘What is a code 97 again?’ or ‘is red fish the tall guy or the bald guy?'” said US Secret Service Director, Mark J. Sullivan.

All the Obama family members have secret code names that start with “R”. Initially, they were going to be identified with “N” words, but the Secret Service changed them in order to avoid controversy.

President-elect Obama will be referred in Secret Service agents’ walkie-talkies as “Renegade.” Because he’s “never been afraid to say what’s on his mind at any given time of day,” explained Sullivan. “Michelle Obama is secret coded as “Renaissance”, because for the first time in her life, she will be proud of her country.”

Unlike the Obamas, the Bidens’ secret codes start with the letter “C”. “Joe Biden’s secret codename is ‘Celtic’, due to his similarity with the Boston basketball team’s long but not so glamorous record. On the other hand, his wife Jill is codenamed ‘Capri’ because she’s old, well built and convertible,” finished Sullivan.

Despite Bush’s promise of a smooth transition, Bush’s First Dog bites reporter.

Washington, D.C., November 8th 2008, (Reuters).- After the promise of Bush of a smooth

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, explains the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations," he barked.

transition and his pledge to do whatever he can to help the president-elect, Barack Obama, an incident spelled trouble for both teams: Barney, Bush’s First Dog, bit White House reporter Jonathan Black’n’Decker.

Aides of the president on condition of anonymity told the press that Barney had been becoming a rogue lately, and refusing to following orders.

Black’n’Decker interviewed himself about the incident.

“He seemed nice and friendly, but he suddenly became very angry and vicious, much like McCain does. I don’t know what happened to him (the First Dog). It might have been the Republican defeat of last Tuesday, the fact that he’s going to be replaced as First Dog of America or that I had eaten bacon for breakfast and didn’t wash my hands,” Black’n’Decker answered himself to a question he had asked himself about the reasons of the incident.

The White House denied any ill will or bad intentions from the First Dog. “It was just a pre-emptive attack in order to protect the integrity of the First Dog, which then became an effort to liberate Jonathan Black’n’Decker. In any case, we consider it as ‘mission accomplished,'” said White House veterinarian Richard Tubb.

First task of Obama’s newly appointed Chief of Staff: Help the president-elect select a First Dog.

Washington, D.C., Nov, 7th, 2008 (Reuters).- Obama’s first choice of staff as president-elect was to

Despite his status as the war hero who shot down the Red Baron of Germany, Snoopy was disqualified because of his closeness to McCain.

select a Chief of Staff. He reached out to Rep. Rahm Emanuel, a congressman representing Illinois.

Now, Emanuel is charged with the most pressing issue of the post-election transition: Selecting the White House’s First Dog.

There are several criteria for selecting the First Dog, according to the guidelines that the president-elect gave Emanuel.

a) It has to be hypoallergenic because his daughter is hypochondriac.

b) He’d rather have a shelter dog, but the problem is that shelter dogs are usually mutts, like Obama. If possible, he’d rather have a purebreed, like Michelle.

c) It can’t be a pitbull.

d) If it’s a female, it can’t wear lipstick and it will be operated in order to avoid the female dog getting suddely pregnant.

Several dogs have been sending their résumés to Emanuel’s office, including Kripto, Scooby-Doo, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie and the whole litter of 101 Dalmatians, in the hopes of being chosen as First Dog.

In another news, Obama also answered a reporter during a press conference, who asked him if he had spoken to previous presidents.

“I have spoken with all living presidents,” the president-elect replied, “It’s kinda hard to speak with the ones who have already died. I didn’t want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing seances, but I might if I ever feel like asking Franklin Roosevelt for ideas for a New New Deal.”

Obama answers questions in press conference after victory.

Washington, D.C., November 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a press conference, president-elect Barack

Yes, the elected president Barack Obama can.

Obama answered several questions about the post-campaign and the way his administration will be handled.

Q: Mr. President elect, do you think you and senator John McCain will be able to overcome your differences and work together for the sake of the nation?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you and the Clintons work together to smooth differences within the Democratic party?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Will you and Biden be able to prepare a Cabinet and a team before you arrive to the White House?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Are the American people going to recover from this economic crisis?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can the US become again, not only a superpower, but a country admired by its values and principles?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think we can achieve victory in Iraq and Afghanistan?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Do you think it’s possible for the US and our allies to dismantle Iran’s nuclear program?
A: Yes, we can.

Q: Can you work with Governor Palin as an advisor?
A: Ah… No, we can not.

Yes, We Can.

(Today’s post was written by guest writer, Monica Rix Paxson, co-writer of Benjamin Franklin award

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

winning book “Dead Mars, Dying Earth,” who was reporting from Chicago’s Grant Park on the day of the election.)

YES, WE CAN.

Yes We Did and I Was There

Chicago, IL, November 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- For a week I’d been telling everyone I spoke to that they really shouldn’t miss it, that they should be at Chicago’s Grant Park on the night of the election; that they should be there for the party of the century. “It’s something that your grandchildren will talk about — that you were there the night Barack Obama won.”

To me, it was obvious. It was like the opportunity to be there when Lincoln read the Gettysburg Address, or when Martin Luther King spoke at the Lincoln Monument. For the rest of my life I will be able to say to anyone who was there, “Do you remember the night Obama won?” and they will smile and say, “How could I forget?”

People, tens of thousands of us, burst from subways and busses to converge in the park, yelling, chanting and laughing as we marched to the blare of car horns and sirens, hearts thrumming, shaking hands and hugging strangers. We couldn’t believe it! Barack Obama was ahead! All our efforts, all of our money, all of our votes: Could it have made a difference?

It was literally too much to hope for, even in the face of the evidence. In fact, when we learned that McCain was conceding, the reality of the victory dawned slowly. We’d won? We’d actually won? Was Barack Obama going to be our next President? It took a while to process the reality that this phenomenal man had actually led us to victory by mustering a level of organization that rivaled that of any military operation. He had delivered us.

As we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching our new leader on the Videotron, his voice echoed off the high rises on the other side of Michigan Avenue’s wide expanse. Yes we can! Yes. Yes. Yes we can. It was a miracle under the clear night sky. A black man will be our leader. A black woman will be our first lady. A peaceful revolution has taken place and the future of America has been transformed. Our starved ideals and aspirations are nourished once again. Finally, after all this time, there is hope.

I was riding the bus home when my phone indicated that a text message had just arrived.

“Date: 11/5/2008 1:32am

We just made history. All of this happened because you gave your time, talent and passion to this campaign. All of this happened because of you. Thanks. Barack”

You are welcome Mr. President.

More fictional characters jump in the bandwagon. Linus supports Obama, Lucy supports Palin, Charlie Brown undecided.

To read this article in Italian, go here. Per leggere questo articolo in italiano, vai qui:

http://noccioline.altervista.org/index.php?subaction=showcomments&id=1208278663

(Translation courtesy of Fede)

Peanuts, USA, November 3rd, 2008, (Reuters).- Just one day before the election, more fictional

Linus van Pelt declaring his support for the Democratic candidate. "Obama is the security blanket of America," he said.

characters showed their support for their candidates. This time, it was the peanuts gang that declared their political preferences.

Famous philosopher and founder of the Great Pumpkin Church, Linus Van Pelt spoke about his support for Democratic Candidate Barack Obama, “In this time of crisis and uncertanty, we all need something to hold on, to feel steady, to give us security. Obama is America’s security Blanket.”

On contrast, his sister and female heavyweight boxing  champion and author of several self-help books, such as the best seller “Life’s a kick, that’ll be 5 cents please”, Lucy Van Pelt, declared that she supported Sarah Palin, “It’s time that we had a woman up there with values and character and willing to show men what we’re capable of. ”

Finally, Charlie Brown who works as a barber’s assistant in the barbershop that his father used to own hasn’t taken a position yet, “Aaaaaaaaaaargh, I just can’t stand it, it’s too much pressure. I mean, I would like to be informed and vote, but somehow I never know what’s going on, Good grief!”

Al Bundy and the Fonz, among others, back Barack Obama.

Hollywood, CA, October 24th, 2008, (Reuters).- As the race is approaching its end, famous real and

Al Bundy has retaken his trademark No MA'AM t-shirt to express his opposition to Sarah Palin.

fictional personalities have started to back Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

One of the lastest celebrities that has endorsed the candidate is the Fonz. In a recent add he speaks to Richie and tells him that voting for Bush and Chenney was “wwwrr…….”, (apparently unable to admit he’s wrong). “But now we can make it right.” Fonz explained. He also told Richie he hand misunderstood Palin’s claim that “she shoots moose” as “she was loose.”

Another TV father that certanly makes less than $250,000 a year is Al Bundy. The famous shoe salesman has decided to back Obama after finding out that he’d save $1,000 dollars in taxes. Of course, he had to buy a $1,500 computer to find that out first. “Obama! Obama!” shouted Al Bundy as he slammed his hand against a table and raised his fist as he announced his support for the Democratic candidate.

Sarah Silverman has also decided to back the candidate. “I encourage all Jewish voters to schlep over to Florida and convince your grandparents to vote for Obama. Did I say encourage? I meant I demand you.” 

Retired sheriff Andy Taylor and his son Opie Taylor also expressed support for Senator Obama. “People are funny. Change scares them, they’d rather feel good in the same thing that’s been messing them up when change is the thing they can help them,” explained Andy to his son in a new commercial. “When I’m a grown up, I’d sure like to vote for someone as good as Mr. Obama,” replied Opie, apparently oblivious to the fact that he’s over 40 now and able to vote.

Close sources to the candidate (Michelle told us) say that although he welcomes any vote, he’s not too happy to be connected with some of the celebrities that try to get as many pictures with him as possible. “I can’t tell any names, but… oh, what gives, it’s Homer Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.”

So far, only Abe Simpson, Ned Flanders and Mr. Burns have been the only fictional characters to endorse the Palin-McCain ticket.

The Penguin endorses McCain. “I was the one who helped him prepare for his debates.”

Gotham City. NJ, October 21st, 2008, (Reuters).- After many celebrities backing Barack Obama lately,

Batman and the Penguin participated in the Democratic Primaries, but both eventually lost to Hillary.

one of them has finally stood up for McCain: The Penguin.

“My friends, I support Senator McCain because it’s time someone stopped the negativism in this campaign and talked about the real issues. And there’s only one real issue in this campaign: Who really is the Batma… I mean, Barack Obama?” said the Penguin to the Gotham liberal media.

“Who is he? Why does he hide his past? Who does he hang around with? Let me give you the answer, my friends: criminal terrorists. Bill Ayers, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, The Joker, Poison Ivy, etc. I’m telling you, the guy is a two-face,” explained the Penguin to the press.

“It’s also been completly proven that he is in league with organizations such as ACORN and Lexcorp and preparing the greatest electoral fraud in history. If that’s not an evil masterplan. I don’t know what it is. And believe me, I do know. I took classes with Dick Chenney,” finished the villian.

Batman immediatly reached out for the Democratic candidate to give him his support. “Holy elections, Barack!”