Posts Tagged ‘Sarah Palin’
Election fever refuses to die. Lindsay Lohan continues to support Barack Obama.
New York, NY, November 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- Even after the election ended with a certain victory of
Democratic Barack Obama, people with little or no life continue the election fever, supporting either president-elect Obama, or Governor Sarah Palin.
Lindsay Lohan continues to make declarations about her support for Barack Obamahim, much to the dismay of the president-elect, who would rather not be associated with her. “It’s worse than being linked with Ayers,” said the president-elect according to a source close to him who asked to remain anonymous (Michelle told us).
In her latest gaffe, Lindsay Lohan spoke in an interview with Maria Menounos in “Access Hollywood,” about her experience during Election Day. “It was really exiting, all the boys and the booze and the girls. It was an amazing feeling. It’s our first colored president.”
In other news, Sarah Palin was offered 2 million dollars for starring on a porn movie. Porn film director Cezar Capone included an extra $100,000 dollars and a brand new snowmobile if Todd is willing to co-start the picture.
Palin declined the offer, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s unethical, immoral, opportunistic, indecent and against all the values and things I believe in. Besides, I save more than that in the lawyer and the trips that the state of Alaska pays for me and my family.”
Palin spends $150,000 in donations on clothes and accesories. “It’s needed to make her look like an average American woman:”
Denver, CO, October 22nd, 2008, (Reuters).- The Palin-McCain ticket admitted today that over $150,000 in donations were spent on Sarah Palin’s look. Spokesmodel Tracey Schmitt explained the issue to the press.
“With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it’s remarkable that we’re spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses, when we should be speaking about Obama palling with terrorists and how McCain is a maverick. Besides, it was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign, for example, the Clothes for Unemployed Pregnant Teens of Alaska, (CUTA).”
“Moreover, we wanted to make it difficult or at least very expensive for Tina Fey,” finished Schmitt.
When asked if donation money was used for other of Palin’s personal expenses, Schmitt categorically denied it, “Of course not, she’s a decent an honest person. She has never used campaign money for her personal expenses. For example, when her children traveled far from home, from Wasillia to Anchorage, Alaskan money was used, not campaign money.”
In a related news, Governor Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, answered Brandon Garcia’s, a third grade 8-year old child, question about what a vice-president does.
“That’s a darn good question, Brandon, and you betcha that a vice president has a really great job, because not only are they there to support the president’s agenda, they’re like the team member, the team mate to that president,” Palin said.
“But also, they’re in charge of the United States Senate. In addition to bribing federal judges in order to avoid murders of babies like you, they lobby congressmen in order to make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for you, and your family and your classroom. And it’s a great job and I look forward to having that job, if God grants me the chance,” Palin ended.
“Yes, Obama and Democrats are ahead by 6%, we’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahaha”: McCain.
Virginia Beach, VI, October 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- John McCain has changed
his rhetoric, claiming that the Democrat taking an advantage of 6 points and leading in all polls and battleground states has been part of his master plan all along.
“My friends, I have some wonderful news for you. Let me give you the state of the race: We have 22 days to go, we’re six points down, the national media has written us off and Obama and Pelosi are already preparing their clothes for the victory speech. We’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahah,” explained the Arizona senator.
“Excellent,” replied millionare and contributor to the Palin-McCain campaign, Montgomery Burns.
Elsewhere on the campaign trail, Levi Johnston, Palin’s future son-in-law, spoke about his future marriage with pregnant minor Bristol Palin.
“We’re both love each other and we both plan to have a happy normal married life. I will drop out of school to give my baby the best. I hope he’s a boy and I look forward to having him. I’m going to take him hunting and fishing and gay bashing,” explained Johnston.
He also said his infamous Myspace page was only a joke. “My friends created it and I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I can’t even use a computer, but Senator McCain and I plan to take internet classes together.”
Regarding his political views, Johnston said he was as clueless on the topic as her future mother-in-law is. “I like that guy Obama, but I’m cheering for the Palin-McCain ticket. I just hope she wins. She’s my future mother-in-law and being in office with take her off my back for some years.”
Sarah Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin finds Sarah Palin innocent of power abuse.
Anchorage, AK, October 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Sarah Palin was found
innocent by the commision formed by Sarah Palin to investigate the accusation of power abuse which had been filed by Sarah Palin against Sarah Palin.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s officials released their report yesterday that clears Sarah Palin of any wrongdoing in the firing of Stormtrooper Walter Monegan.
Sarah Palin is the subject of a legislative investigation into whether she abused her power as governor by firing her public safety commissioner, Stormtrooper Walter Monegan. Monegan, says he was dismissed for resisting pressure from Palin’s husband, Todd Palin, to fire state police officer Mike Wooten, Palin’s former brother-in-law, and who, according to Palin “made my sister miserable even though she gave him the best years of her life.”
Lawmakers are expected to release their own findings today. Campaign officials for McCain and Palin said the legislative investigation is filled with partisanship and is politically bent, so it’s not objective or fair anymore.
“Sara Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin, on the contrary, has nothing to win or at stake politically and therefore, it’s objective, reliable and truthful. By the way, Sarah Palin found Sarah Palin innocent,” commented McCain spokesman Taylor Griffin, who distributed the campaign’s report.
Griffin said the report was written by the McCain-Palin campaign staff and based on public filings and interviews with a completly unattached and objective witness: Todd Palin.
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