The Press Posted in the Tribune Times

Funny news, trivia news, ironic news, sarcastic news and news news.

Posts Tagged ‘Tracey Schmitt

Palin spends $150,000 in donations on clothes and accesories. “It’s needed to make her look like an average American woman:”

leave a comment »

"Some of the money was used in advertising Palin's look", said Schmitt.

"Some of the money was used in advertising Palin's look", said Schmitt.

Denver, CO, October 22nd, 2008, (Reuters).- The Palin-McCain ticket admitted today that over $150,000 in donations were spent on Sarah Palin’s look. Spokesmodel Tracey Schmitt explained the issue to the press.

“With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it’s remarkable that we’re spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses, when we should be speaking about Obama palling with terrorists and how McCain is a maverick. Besides, it was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign, for example, the Clothes for Unemployed Pregnant Teens of Alaska, (CUTA).”

“Moreover, we wanted to make it difficult or at least very expensive for Tina Fey,” finished Schmitt.

When asked if donation money was used for other of Palin’s personal expenses, Schmitt categorically denied it, “Of course not, she’s a decent an honest person. She has never used campaign money for her personal expenses. For example, when her children traveled far from home, from Wasillia to Anchorage, Alaskan money was used, not campaign money.”

In a related news, Governor Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, answered Brandon Garcia’s, a third grade 8-year old child, question about what a vice-president does.

“That’s a darn good question, Brandon, and you betcha that a vice president has a really great job, because not only are they there to support the president’s agenda, they’re like the team member, the team mate to that president,” Palin said.

“But also, they’re in charge of the United States Senate. In addition to bribing federal judges in order to avoid murders of babies like you, they lobby congressmen in order to make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for you, and your family and your classroom. And it’s a great job and I look forward to having that job, if God grants me the chance,” Palin ended.

Advertisements

Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, takes a fast course in world leaders with REAL world leaders. “More fun than wikipedia”:Palin

leave a comment »

New York, NY, September 23rd, 2008, (Reuters).- In order to boost her

Sarah Palin with the girl she was assigned to work with in her new geography class. "I wish they had assigned me someone mature and who at least knew the capital of Mexico," said the small girl.

Sarah Palin with the girl she was assigned to work with in her new geography class. "I wish they had assigned me with someone mature and who at least knew what the capital of Mexico is," said the small girl.

foreign relations credentials beyond seeing Russia from her house, the Palin-McCain campaign is having Sarah Palin take a crash course in word leaders by having them parade in front of her in next week’s United Nations General Assembly. She will be able to take notes on the names that are too hard for her to pronounce.

“Well, since I had never met a foreign head of state, like none of the previous vice-presidential candidates in history did, and I had never traveled outside the US until last year when I went to Canada to get some cheap medicines, the Palin-McCain campaign thought it would be a good idea to have a show-and-tell class of world leaders. It certanly beats looking them up in wikipedia,” commented Palin.

The first on the list was US-imposed Afghan President Hamid Karzai. “The encounter went remarcably well. We spoke for hours,” said Palin. “Next time I might even have a translator to find out what he’s telling me.”

Next on the list are (in order of apparition), Colombian president Alvaro Uribe, Georgian president Mikhail Saakashvili, Ukranian president Viktor Yuschenko, Iraqi president Jalal Talibani, Pakistani president Asif Ali Zardari and Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh.

“We thought it’d be important for her to meet the presidents the US placed on the Iraqi and Afghan governments first, as well as the presidents of those countries who provided troops or permissions to use their territories in the Afghanistan and Iraq wars,” said spokesassistant Tracey Schmitt. “After the parade, she will have a quick test on names and color flag matching, but she will be able to use her notes and we don’t count spelling mistakes for the grade.”

Reporters who wanted to see the encounters were banned initially. “We don’t want to get her nervous, so let’s keep the cameras in and the questions out, mmmkay?” had said spokesassistant Tracey Schmitt ealier. When the media refused to give coverage, Schmitt relented “it was all just a misscommunication oopsie, ya really didn’t think I was serious, did ya?”