Old woman who lives in the ‘hood gets 8 more children.

The matter complicates further the situation for the poor woman who refuses to leave the shoe, despite an eviction notice.

Los Octollizos, California, January 30th, 2009, (Reuters).- There is an old woman who lives in the ‘hood.

She had 8 more children, she doesn’t know what to do.

She’g got 6 small hoes, whom she can no more fed.

The sell crack or drugs, to buy some more bread.

There’s an old woman who lives in the ‘hood.

She had 8 more children, she doesn’t know what to do.

The small one has no cloth, no food and no bed.

He goes to no school, he steals wallets instead.

There is an old woman who lives in the ‘hood.

She’s got 8 more children, she doesn’t know what to do.

The rest of the bunch is not really ahead.

They’re either in prison or they’re out on bail.

14 year old Chicawgo policeboy gets fired.

Cub "windy" Veejay decided to join the police force after his father got a ticket for driving in Wisconsin with Illinois plates.

Chicawgo, Illinoi, January 26th, 2009, (Reuters).- A 14 year old policeboy was fired today from the Chicawgo Police Department in Illinoi. The reason given by the Chicawgo Police Department was that the boy was only 14 years old. “He’s almost a child,” said deputy superintendent Daniel Dugan.

However, the 14 year old boy’s labor union declared that the real reason the policechild was fired was because he was working on some investigation on the role of Mayor Richard Michael Daley in the Hired Truck Program as well as in the leasing of the parking meter system.

Mayor Daley denied any mishandling on those dealings. “However, we’re creating a new tax, called ‘no child left behind the wheel’, which will help screen policecar drivers and make sure children aren’t at the wheel.”

This is the last of a series of taxes aimed at handling car traffic and car-related issues, and following the recently implemented “I’ll watch your car while you attend the game” tax, which started taxing drivers and sports fans last week.

NYC gives Mr. Crabs life pardon.

Mr Crabs got the pardon from the judge just as he was about to be eaten. It was later discovered that he had stolen the waiter's tip by the time he left the restaurant.

New York City, NY, January 11th, 2009, (Reuters).- After several demonstrations and a few arson acts in judges houses from PETA members, New York City Justice decided to pardon Mr. Crabs execution and release him in the ocean.

“We applaud the judge’s noble and compassionate decision to release Mr. Crabs and let him live his last days in freedom and peace,” said Ingrid E. Newquirk, president of PETA (People Extremely in need of Therapy, not Animals).

“Our next goal is to burn down all McDonalds and Burger King restaurants until they stop selling hamburgers that are made with meat. By the way, I’d like to say to anyone that’s listening, if you’re unemployed because we burnt down your work center, come join us, you have plenty of time now and we can always use a volunteer,” ended Newquirk.

Mr. Crabs, who is 139, had been imprisoned and charged with illegal trade of endangered species such as seasponge, sea stars and squidwards. He had been sentenced to be eaten at the City Crab and Seafood restaurant, but was pardoned at the last second.

The NY authorities released him in Kennebunkport, Maine, where he died choked by a plastic bag 1 hour after his release.

NY taxes drinks, music, dancing, and sex. People start to move to Connecticut.

Governor Paterson refuses to hug his son, as hugs are now taxed under the new No Fun Tax Plan.

Albany, NY., December 17, 2008, (Reuters).- Governor David Paterson proposed today a new 2009-2010 budget plan that increases spending by 1.1 %, which is aimed at compensating the effects of the recession.

The budget plan is based on a new tax plan that will seek to obtain the extra resources needed, and it’s called the New York No Fun Tax Plan. The tax plan will create or increase 88 taxes. New Yorkers will have to pay taxes on downloaded music, beer, sports tickets, sex and watching Letterman.

Governor David Paterson defended his New York No Fun Tax Plan. “We have to get into fiscal disciple, with the financial crisis affecting our economy. Besides, it will help reduce the likeness of another Spitzer scandal.”

The tax plan consists of three chapters:

a) The No Fun at the Bar Tax Plan.  It will tax beer, liquor, cigars, cigarettes, taxi rides, and dating.

b) The No Fun Going Out with the Family Tax Plan. It will tax sodas, sports tickets, movie tickets,  spa visits, gas, ipods, video game consoles, and love.

b) The No fun at Home Tax Plan. It will tax downloaded music, internet services, cable TV, satellite TV, watching Letterman (watching Oprah will only be affordable by the rich), and feeling at home.

The news of the new tax plan has caused everyone who is not an accountant to move to Connecticut.

Yes, We Can.

(Today’s post was written by guest writer, Monica Rix Paxson, co-writer of Benjamin Franklin award

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

winning book “Dead Mars, Dying Earth,” who was reporting from Chicago’s Grant Park on the day of the election.)

YES, WE CAN.

Yes We Did and I Was There

Chicago, IL, November 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- For a week I’d been telling everyone I spoke to that they really shouldn’t miss it, that they should be at Chicago’s Grant Park on the night of the election; that they should be there for the party of the century. “It’s something that your grandchildren will talk about — that you were there the night Barack Obama won.”

To me, it was obvious. It was like the opportunity to be there when Lincoln read the Gettysburg Address, or when Martin Luther King spoke at the Lincoln Monument. For the rest of my life I will be able to say to anyone who was there, “Do you remember the night Obama won?” and they will smile and say, “How could I forget?”

People, tens of thousands of us, burst from subways and busses to converge in the park, yelling, chanting and laughing as we marched to the blare of car horns and sirens, hearts thrumming, shaking hands and hugging strangers. We couldn’t believe it! Barack Obama was ahead! All our efforts, all of our money, all of our votes: Could it have made a difference?

It was literally too much to hope for, even in the face of the evidence. In fact, when we learned that McCain was conceding, the reality of the victory dawned slowly. We’d won? We’d actually won? Was Barack Obama going to be our next President? It took a while to process the reality that this phenomenal man had actually led us to victory by mustering a level of organization that rivaled that of any military operation. He had delivered us.

As we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching our new leader on the Videotron, his voice echoed off the high rises on the other side of Michigan Avenue’s wide expanse. Yes we can! Yes. Yes. Yes we can. It was a miracle under the clear night sky. A black man will be our leader. A black woman will be our first lady. A peaceful revolution has taken place and the future of America has been transformed. Our starved ideals and aspirations are nourished once again. Finally, after all this time, there is hope.

I was riding the bus home when my phone indicated that a text message had just arrived.

“Date: 11/5/2008 1:32am

We just made history. All of this happened because you gave your time, talent and passion to this campaign. All of this happened because of you. Thanks. Barack”

You are welcome Mr. President.

National Debt Clock runs out of digits.

New York, NY, October 9th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a sign of the fundamentals

The dollar currency symbol was replaced with a "1". By the way, you and your family owe $90,000.

of the American economy not being as strong as one’d think, the National Debt Clock in New York City has run out of digits to record the growing figure.

As a short-term fix, the digital dollar sign on the billboard-style clock near Times Square has been switched to a figure — the “1” in $10 trillion. It’s marking the federal government’s current debt at about $10.2 trillion. In case of doubt, the average American can aslo see how much his or her family owes.

The Durst Organization says it plans to update the sign next year by adding two digits. That will make it capable of tracking debt up to a quadrillion dollars, which is not that unrealistic. They will add two digits to the family share figure as well, just to keep up for the first half of 2009.

Mortgage forgiven for woman, 90, who shot herself. “We figured she won’t be paying anyway,” Fannie Mae.

Akron, OH, October 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- Mortgage finance company

Vice president Dick Cheney expressed his opposition to the dismissal of the mortgage. "It'll just encourage people to avoid their fiscal and financial responsabilities by shooting themselves."

Fannie Mae said it is forgiving the mortgage debt of Addie Polk, a 90-year-old woman who shot herself in the chest as sheriff’s deputies attempted to evict her.

Fannie Mae announced later that it would dismiss its foreclosure action, forgive Polk’s mortgage and allow her to return to the Akron home where she’s lived since 1970.

“Given the circumstances, we think it’s appropriate,” Fannie Mae spokesman Brian Faith said, “we don’t think she’s going to pay us anyway as the hospital bills will steal all our, I mean, her money.”

Polk remained in Akron General Medical Center and was expected to recover from the chest wounds. Robert Dillon, Polk’s longtime neighbor and the one who took her to the hospital visited her today. “She said it was a crazy thing to do, now that she’s had time to think about it,” Dillon said. It’s not clear whether it was a reference to the shooting or to the government’s approval of the $700 billion bailout plan.

Blog author takes vacation. Readers organize a demonstration.

Mexico City, Mexico, September 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- As of today, the

All the readers of this blog marching through Mexico City

author of this blog is taking some vacations to see if he can come up with fresh ideas.

Readers of this blog staged a demonstration in Mexico City’s downtown, to protest for the interruption of this blog. It was a unique demostration as they promissed not to do it again.

Gustav sideswipes New Orleans. Bush: “Response is much better than Katrina.”

New Orleans, LA, September 1st, 2008, (Reuters).- President Bush declared

Bush, and McCain, who is NOT his friend, bought the people from New Orleans a cake to cheer them up. "Now they can have their cake and eat it too," said Bush.

that the government had responded a lot better to Hurricane Gustav than it did to deadly Hurricane Katrina, which obliterated the Gulf Coast 3 years ago.

“The coordination on this storm is a lot better than on – during Katrina. All the oil plataforms are safe,” said Bush as he shaked hands with emergency workers and posed for pictures.

“The federal government is very much involved in helping the states. Our job is to assist, unlike the guys that handled the Katrina disaster, who did a flood of a job,” added Bush. Later on, he met recently appointed FEMA director David Paulison and told him, “Paulie, you’re doing a hell of a job, unlike that Brownie guy.”

New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin also spoke to the media, “I was hoping that this would happen, that we would be able to stand before America, before everyone and say that we had success, unlike the mayor that handled Katrina.”

“We took some heavy measures,” further explained Nagin. “We evacuated the people with much more anticipation. That was easy as there were still a lot of homeless people from the Katrina disaster still living in cars or mobile homes. We also stopped giving buses to schools and we painted them gray, instead of yellow so we could use them in disasters.”

Regarding the preparations for hurricane Hanna-Barbera, which is expected to reach the US this week, Nagin commented, “Give us a break, they go from giving us three years to three days to prepare. It almost makes believe global warming really exists.”

Help wanted ad for nanny: “My kids are a pain.”

Springfield, God knows where, August 30th, 2008, (Reuters).- It was an

Lucille Botzkowski was the only one brave enough to take on the Simpson's children

unusually honest ad from a blue high-haired woman, for a live-in nanny, a 1,000-word tome beginning, “My kids are a pain.” But it worked, attracting a brave soul who’s never worked as a nanny before.

“If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don’t even bother replying,” Marjorie Bouvier Simpson, a mother of three in the suburbs of Springfield,  wrote August 25th in her advertisement on Craiglist.

“They can be a tad difficult to work for. Specially the boy, he’s loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure.”

Simpsons, a 38-year-old housewife whose husband works as a safety supervisor in a nuclear plant, eventually hired Lucille Botzkowski, a 50-year-old recently released inmate to take care of Bartholomew, 10, Lisa Marie, 8 and Margaret, 1. 

“I made a commitment to stay in the job for at least a year,” Botzkowski told the Times. “I met the oldest child, but not the others, which my lawyer said was crazy — to accept the job without meeting all the kids. So we’ll see.” She noted that one of the pluses is that the children are all in school for several hours each day.

Meanwhile, Simpson told the Times: “I hope she likes it here. I sent the ad to one of my old sitters and she said she felt it was pretty accurate, which sort of stung a little bit.”