The Press Posted in the Tribune Times

Funny news, trivia news, ironic news, sarcastic news and news news.

Posts Tagged ‘Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton tries to be selected Obama’s Secretary of State. “She should continue to work in politics, otherwise she’d come home”: Bill.

with 2 comments

Hillary is already grooming Chelsea for a future political carreer. "I'll get a Clinton woman on the White House office even if that's the last thing I do," said Hillary, forgetting that Bill had done that plenty of times before.

Hillary is already grooming Chelsea for a future political carreer. "I'll get a woman into the White House, even if it's the last thing I do," said Hillary, forgetting that Bill had done it many times already.

Washington, D.C., November 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her intention to have a place in the current administration. Since she can no longer try for the president, vice-president or first lady position, she declared she wanted to be Secretary of State.

She spoke to the press about her qualifications and credentials in several areas, “I became a very hard working person since the day I realized that, like most Washington women, sleeping with Bill Clinton didn’t earn me anything. I also want to be an example for all those young kids who don’t know what work means. They think it’s a four-letter work,” said the Senator. “I also have experience. I have been tested many times. You never know what Bill might have brought home.”

Among other things, she said she has the experience to handle the economic crisis. “As I showed in my primary campaign, I have experience solving great problems, such as the economy. I will help set the conditions so that banks can flush money into businesses. I might even get a loan to pay my campaign debt. By the way, we are going to take away things from you on behalf of the common good.”

Bill Clinton also commented on his wife: “From my own experience I can tell you that she doesn’t go down without a fight.”

Advertisements

Obama says, among other things, that McCain will “say anything.”

leave a comment »

Tampa, FL, October 20th, (Reuters).- Democratic candidate Barack Obama gave a speech at Tampa, Florida,

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but please don't call her namesm," asked the candidate.

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but no name calling, please," asked the candidate.

in which he said many different things in order to appeal to voters. One of them was an attack on McCain, claiming “he (McCain) will say anything, do anything. Now, is there anything you’d like me to say or do?”

He also claimed that the race will tighten as it comes to a close. “That’s what happens at the end of campaigns. Even when there are substantial leads. We can still snatch defeat from victory, so don’t underestimate us. You know, Hillary Clinton is not the first politician to declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ too soon.”

He also spoke about the attacks that he has received lately, mostly from Sarah Palin. “Look, I’ve been called worse on the basketball court.”

He also spoke about the recent endorsement given to him by the former Joint Chief of Staff, Colin Powell. “Until now, I was afraid that he’d join the ‘Blacks against Obama’ group, which, fortunately, is very small. Just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson.”

An updated Reagan comment brought cheers from the crowd, “At this rate, the question isn’t just ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago?’, it’s ‘Are you better off now than four hours ago? The crisis has even affected me and my campaign: I’m accepting change now.”

He ended his speech with a simple comment: “I’m a little too awesome.”

Palin from the Palin-McCain ticket plays it safe.

leave a comment »

The villages, FL, September 21st, 2008, (Reuters).- Sarah Palin played it safe

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton in the once-in-a-life-time call to stop sexism in the campaign. "I can see Russia from my house."

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton in the once-in-a-life-time call to stop sexism in the campaign. "I can see Russia from my house," commented Palin.

 Sunday on her first trip on the campaign she now calls “the Palin-McCain ticket” to the battleground state of Florida.

In order to show how sure she is of her credentials, she went to perhaps the easiest place in Florida to get a large Republican turnout, stuck mostly to the themes she’s hit since the Republican convention and took no questions from reporters or the crowd.

Nevertheless, she was welcomed like a star, with tens of thousands cramming into a plaza and nearby streets. Some waited more than five hours in 92-degree heat to see her speak for 23 minutes. Palin told the crowd her daughters Piper and Willow got to go to Disney World, although this time they will be flanked by security in order to avoid any other embarrassing suprise pregnancy.

Her remarks hit most of the same points she’s made since McCain chose her. She did, however, update the stump speech to reflect last week’s turmoil in the financial markets.

“This week when the economic crisis threatened the livelihood of millions of Americans, John McCain took a clear stand and supported the goverment bailout even if he’s always condemned government bailouts. Our opponent refused to even take a stand on the position,” Palin said.

In another show of how much the party trusts Palin’s capacity, the Palin-McCain campaign has asked to reduce time for questions and answers in the Palin-Biden debate and to completly eliminate any interaction between the debaters. “We want her to focus on giving our message, rather than to be defending herself. We believe it could save us some money in air time,” a Palin-McCain campaign spokesperson said.

When asked about her lack of credentials in foreign relationships, he answered “Nonsense. We have checked her knowledge on the subject with very throughout questions, like ‘What foreign country is the closest to Alaska?’ and she answered ‘Russia’ before we even finished asking the question. Of course, with all that pressure anyone can forget that the correct answer is Canada, but we still believe she’s more than ready to be a heart attack away from the presidency.”

Obama has fun keeping polititians guessing who his VP will be.

leave a comment »

"You should see your faces," Obama remarked as jumpy potential VPs hire consultants to decipher any hidden meaning in Obama's speeches.

"You should see your faces," laughs candidate Obama as jumpy VP hopefuls hire expensive consultants to decipher any hidden message in Obama's latest speeches.

Washington, D.C., August 22nd, 2008, (Reuters).- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is having the time of his life by keeping fellow democrats guessing if they will be the lucky one chosen for his running VP.

“Ok, ok, I’ll give you some clues… it could be a man or a woman, but in any case he or she will be a ….. DEMOCRAT!!” remarked Obama as he broke in laughter.

There are several potential VPs who care a lot about the choice but pretend they don’t.

Representative Chet Edwards from Texas said “the possibility of me not being chosen is the same as I allowing a gay marriage, even if I win by only a very slim margin.”

Delaware senator Joe Biden commented “It would be an honor to run along the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright, and clean and a nice looking guy. I mean, that would be a storybook, man.”

Indiana junior senator Evan Byah remarked, “Certanly my wife’s companies could use all the help we and senator Obama could give them. Sorry, I mean, the other way around.”

Virginia governor Tim Kaine declared, “Senator Obama needs someone who takes a firm stand on his beliefs. I have very good principles, and if people don’t like them, I have others. But if he doesn’t take me, I could work for McCain as well.”

Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius added, “not every Democratic woman is like Hillary Clinton, and NO, I’m NOT related to Professor Snape.”

Hillary Clinton finished, “I’ll do what’s best for my country, even if it means re-opening the Democratic presidential candidate election so that the people of America can have the chance to reconsider their error.”