Hillary Clinton tries to be selected Obama’s Secretary of State. “She should continue to work in politics, otherwise she’d come home”: Bill.

Hillary is already grooming Chelsea for a future political carreer. "I'll get a woman into the White House, even if it's the last thing I do," said Hillary, forgetting that Bill had done it many times already.

Washington, D.C., November 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her intention to have a place in the current administration. Since she can no longer try for the president, vice-president or first lady position, she declared she wanted to be Secretary of State.

She spoke to the press about her qualifications and credentials in several areas, “I became a very hard working person since the day I realized that, like most Washington women, sleeping with Bill Clinton didn’t earn me anything. I also want to be an example for all those young kids who don’t know what work means. They think it’s a four-letter work,” said the Senator. “I also have experience. I have been tested many times. You never know what Bill might have brought home.”

Among other things, she said she has the experience to handle the economic crisis. “As I showed in my primary campaign, I have experience solving great problems, such as the economy. I will help set the conditions so that banks can flush money into businesses. I might even get a loan to pay my campaign debt. By the way, we are going to take away things from you on behalf of the common good.”

Bill Clinton also commented on his wife: “From my own experience I can tell you that she doesn’t go down without a fight.”

Despite Bush’s promise of a smooth transition, Bush’s First Dog bites reporter.

Washington, D.C., November 8th 2008, (Reuters).- After the promise of Bush of a smooth

Barney, the incumbent First Dog, explains the incident in a press conference. "When it comes to my own safety, I don't need approval of the United Nations," he barked.

transition and his pledge to do whatever he can to help the president-elect, Barack Obama, an incident spelled trouble for both teams: Barney, Bush’s First Dog, bit White House reporter Jonathan Black’n’Decker.

Aides of the president on condition of anonymity told the press that Barney had been becoming a rogue lately, and refusing to following orders.

Black’n’Decker interviewed himself about the incident.

“He seemed nice and friendly, but he suddenly became very angry and vicious, much like McCain does. I don’t know what happened to him (the First Dog). It might have been the Republican defeat of last Tuesday, the fact that he’s going to be replaced as First Dog of America or that I had eaten bacon for breakfast and didn’t wash my hands,” Black’n’Decker answered himself to a question he had asked himself about the reasons of the incident.

The White House denied any ill will or bad intentions from the First Dog. “It was just a pre-emptive attack in order to protect the integrity of the First Dog, which then became an effort to liberate Jonathan Black’n’Decker. In any case, we consider it as ‘mission accomplished,'” said White House veterinarian Richard Tubb.

Yes, We Can.

(Today’s post was written by guest writer, Monica Rix Paxson, co-writer of Benjamin Franklin award

Everyone who helped got a text message from Barack, who is now on first name terms with them.

winning book “Dead Mars, Dying Earth,” who was reporting from Chicago’s Grant Park on the day of the election.)

YES, WE CAN.

Yes We Did and I Was There

Chicago, IL, November 5th, 2008, (Reuters).- For a week I’d been telling everyone I spoke to that they really shouldn’t miss it, that they should be at Chicago’s Grant Park on the night of the election; that they should be there for the party of the century. “It’s something that your grandchildren will talk about — that you were there the night Barack Obama won.”

To me, it was obvious. It was like the opportunity to be there when Lincoln read the Gettysburg Address, or when Martin Luther King spoke at the Lincoln Monument. For the rest of my life I will be able to say to anyone who was there, “Do you remember the night Obama won?” and they will smile and say, “How could I forget?”

People, tens of thousands of us, burst from subways and busses to converge in the park, yelling, chanting and laughing as we marched to the blare of car horns and sirens, hearts thrumming, shaking hands and hugging strangers. We couldn’t believe it! Barack Obama was ahead! All our efforts, all of our money, all of our votes: Could it have made a difference?

It was literally too much to hope for, even in the face of the evidence. In fact, when we learned that McCain was conceding, the reality of the victory dawned slowly. We’d won? We’d actually won? Was Barack Obama going to be our next President? It took a while to process the reality that this phenomenal man had actually led us to victory by mustering a level of organization that rivaled that of any military operation. He had delivered us.

As we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching our new leader on the Videotron, his voice echoed off the high rises on the other side of Michigan Avenue’s wide expanse. Yes we can! Yes. Yes. Yes we can. It was a miracle under the clear night sky. A black man will be our leader. A black woman will be our first lady. A peaceful revolution has taken place and the future of America has been transformed. Our starved ideals and aspirations are nourished once again. Finally, after all this time, there is hope.

I was riding the bus home when my phone indicated that a text message had just arrived.

“Date: 11/5/2008 1:32am

We just made history. All of this happened because you gave your time, talent and passion to this campaign. All of this happened because of you. Thanks. Barack”

You are welcome Mr. President.

McCain camp compares Obama to Spears, Hilton

Democratic candidate Obama in a concert, denying any similarity between him and Britney Spears

AURORA, CO, July 31st, 2008 (Reuters). – John McCain’s presidential campaign on Wednesday released a withering television ad comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, suggesting the Democratic contender is little more than a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. 

McCain’s ad, titled “Celeb” and set to air in 11 battleground states, intercuts images of Obama on his trip to Europe last week with video of twenty-something pop stars Spears and Hilton, both better known for their childish off-screen antics, while the narrator goes:

(Sang to the tune of Briney Spears’ Lucky)
“This is a story about a candidate named Obama…

Early morning, he wakes up.
Knock, knock, knock on the door.
It’s time for make up, perfect smile.
It’s him they’re all waiting for.
They go…

Isn’t he lovely, this Hawaiian guy?

And they say…

CHORUS:

He’s so lucky, He’s a star,
but he lies, lies, lies about the war, thinking
if there’s nothing missing in Iraq,
then why do these calls come at night?

He’s a lost image, in a screen,
But there’s no one there to make him stop.
And Clinton’s billing, and he keeps on winning,
but tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…

Isn’t she lovely, this Hawaiian guy?
And they say…

CHORUS

He’s so lucky, He’s Obama.
But he tries, tries, tries, tries to raise your tax, thinking,
if there’s no Clinton sitting in my camp,
then why do these girls come at night?

(Spoken) Best Democrat, and the winner is…Obama!
(Spoken)I’m Ron Burgundy from Channel 4 News standing outside the arena waiting for Obama. Oh my god…here he comes!

Isn’t she lucky, this Hawaiian guy?
He is so lucky, but why does he lie?
If there’s no experience worthwhile in his life,
then why does he go to Afghanistan?”

At the end of the song, an image of the Republican candidate appears, speaking to the audience. “This ad is just the start, I’ve just begun. It’s clear that even though I can’t make you love me, I’m stronger and born to make you happy. I promise I will be there, I will keep you overprotected and deep in my heart. Whereas my rival is just plain crazy, toxic, intimidated and outrageous and leads a simple life. I tell you this from the bottom of my heart. Vote for me, that’s my only wish this year,” says the candidate in the last seconds of the commecial.

Obama’s campaign quickly responded with a commercial of its own, dismissing McCain’s complaints as “baloney” and “baseless.” Unlike McCain’s commercial, Obama’s focuses on how McCain’s campain bases itself on continuing attacks on his person. It has images of McCain and George Bush in coctkails parties while the narrator sings:

(Sung to the tune of Britney Spears’ Oops, I did it again)

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he did it again.
He made you believe they are not such close friends.
Oh baby, it might seem like it’s not Bush,
but it doesn’t mean that it’s not serious.
‘Cause to lose all his tenses,
That is just so typically his.
Oh baby, baby.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with your tax, got lost in war games.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think he’s hero.
That he’s right for the post.
He’s not that innocent.

You see my problem is this,
He spills my campain,
wishing my flaws, they truly exist.
I cry, hearing the waves,
Coz he says I’m a fool in so many ways.
But to lose all his lenses,
that is just so typically his.
Baby, oh

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He insulted my plans, too green for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…He thinks I’m too young,
that I’m a lame senator.
I’m not that innocent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(spoken) All aboard.
(spoken) Johny, before you go, there’s something I want you to have.
(spoken) George, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?
(spoken) Yeah, yes it is.
(spoken) But I thought that Katherine Harris had dropped it into the Florida ocean in the end.
(spoken) Well baby, I went down and got it for you.
(spoken) Oh, you shouldn’t have.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again to your vote.
Got lost in Vietnam, oh baby.
Oops!…You know that he’s sent from G. Bush.
He’s not that innocent.

CHORUS:

Oops!…He did it again.
He played with the hawks, got too old for the game.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…You know he’s so nuts,
that he forgets what he posts.
You’re not that innocent”

When contacted for comments on both ads, Miss Hilton’s spokesdog Tinkerbell replied. “Miss Hilton has already contributed to both campains and already has someone to clean the bathroom. No further comment except that Miss Hilton thinks senator Obama is the iconic blonde of the decade.”

On a related note, both Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan were reported to have started bitching from their LA County Sheriff’s department cell and Wonderland Center rehabilitation facility room in West Hollywood respectively because they weren’t mentioned like Hilton and Spears in the commercials.

“Like, I’m a much bigger biotch than her, you know. I mean, hellooooo, what was he thinking when he chose to ignore me? I mean, everybody knows I’m more famous than Paris and shit,” commented Miss Richie.

Miss Lohan’s statements were not understandable due to her constant puking. Her nurse said she will issue a statement as soon as her hand is steady enough to type.