Iraqi government asked American government to stop hiring Blackwater.

Blackwater's spokeswoman also mentioned the company will continue with its policy of shooting at anyone or anything that is expressed or written in a terrorist language, that is, anything other than English.

Baghdad, Iraq, January 29th, 2008, (Reuters).- The government of Iraq sent a memo today to the American embassy asking them to please, please, stop using Blackwater Worldwide as security for their diplomats.

The memo, signed by Iraq’s interior ministry spokesman, Abdul-Karim Khalaf, said “Due to the excessive use of force, improper conduct and specially, the continuous killings of civilians, including children, the Honorable Ministry of the Interior of Iraq, backed by the power invested in it by the people and president of Iraq, hereby order the American authorities to please, please, please, read this memo and if possible, to restrain your goons, just a tiny winy bit.”

The move is the latest response to the controversy resulting after Blackwater mercenaries killed 17 civilians at Nissor square, who asked them if they could please stop destroying their market stands.

The Blackwater mercenaries declared themselves non guilty. “We were just doing our job, clearing the path for the ambassador’s secretary’s officeboy who had gone to get a pizza for his boss. We immediately identified the terrorists’ true nature as they spoke in Arabic and had stands with signs written in some terrorist language,” declared one of them, who asked us to keep his name confidential or he would fill our bodies with lead.

State Department’s spokesman Robert with A Wood declared “We haven’t made a decision yet, but we’re already processing the Iraqi request under our perpetual ignorance file cabinet.”

Blackwater spokesgoon Anne Tyrrell defended the company’s mercenaries. “Our employees did the right thing. They were ambushed by terrorists who shot them from a girls’ school, an ambulance, and a fruit stand, all of which had letters written in a terrorist language, so they clearly had to return fire and a few grenades as well.”

“Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record”: Bush

By the end of the news conference, president Bush was so confident that he even made a racist joke about president Obama.

Washington, D.C., January 12th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a final news conference, which the president called “the ultimate exit interview,” president Bush declared that Bush’s presidency has a good, strong record.

He also commented on other issues that marked his presidency as well as his legacy.

He defended the image of the US overseas and denied that it had been tarnished during his administration. “I dissagree that this assesment that people view America in a dim light. People still understand America stands for freedom, why just a month ago, Arab people were so pleased to see me that they offered their shoes to me.”

He also defended his record on human rights, including imprisonment without a trial of suspected terrorists and use of tough interrogation methods at Guantanamo Bay, as well as overriding civil rights at home in order to obtain local information. “Yes, I did all that, but I just couldn’t let terrorists come into our land and destroy our basic rights.”

Most of all, he spoke about the Iraq war, defending his decisions, “I did what I had to do, there weren’t any mistakes at all. I grant that there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction at all, and there were abuses at the Abu Ghraib prision, but those weren’t mistakes, just things that didn’t go according to plan.”

When asked about the time he claimed victory under a banner with big huge letters reading “mission accomplished,” he explained “We’ve clarified this before, it was a banner put up by the janitor who had finished his working shift that same day. It sent the wrong message to those that will always look for the wrong message.”

He also defended his decision to send an additional 30,000 troops. “The question is, in the long run, will this democracy survive? and that’s going to be a question for future presidents.” It wasn’t clear if was referring to the US or Iraq.

Regarding the response to Katrina, he denied it had been slow. “Don’t tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm passed. I have heard nothing but congratulations and appreciation from them, while I have never heard a single complaint from the people that died.”

Regarding his involvement of peace in the Middle East, he commented “I laid out a vision of what peace would be like, I think I have advanced the process and now Palestinians and Israelis are closer than ever.”

He also spoke about the US economy’s state as he leaves office. “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

Finally, he mentioned what he believes is the most important issue that the next president will face: “An attack on the United States. That’s a much more important issue than the economic crisis, because it’s real and it actually affects American lives. Despite sending the country to wars and ripping apart the US civil rights, America isn’t safe. I wish I could report that’s not the case.”

Meanwhile, a CNN poll revealed that right after the news conference, Bush’s popularity increased a bit. He’s now more popular than chickenpox but still trails behind taxes.

Bush admits intelligence on Iraq was dumb. “Oops, sorry about that:” Bush.

Bush said he was sorry he didn't get a bit more time to win the war in Iraq. "I was this close," showed the president.

Washington, D.C., December 1st, 2008, (Reuters).- In an interview for ABC-DEF, co-president George W. Bush spoke about several issues from his soon-to-end administration, the war in Iraq being the most prominent one.

Asked what he was most unprepared for when he took office in January 2001, Bush replied, “gee, that’s a tough one, so many things. Well, I think I would select being unprepared for war. In other words, I didn’t campaign and say ‘vote for me, I’ll be able to handle an attack,’ and it was clear to me that I couldn’t. Even other people have started to notice.”

Asked what his greatest accomplishment was, the president replied, “that’s very easy. I defended America and kept it safe against attacks from ideological thugs.”

He also acknowledged that the intelligence in Iraq was not accurate, although he refused to say whether he had launched the invasion on Iraq had he known Saddam Hussein didn’t really have weapons of mass destruction. “I guess I wish the intelligence in Iraq had been intelligent. Nevertheless, I’m glad Saddam Hussein was caught and persecuted because he clearly had no disregard for human life.”

He also spoke about his opposition to a formal timeline for withdrawing from Iraq. “I don’t believe in sending people’s sons to lose their lives in vain, so I wanted to send some more to make it worth it.”

Missile system in Poland aimed at Russia not a threat to Russia: Rice

Warsaw, Poland, August 20th, 2008, (Reuters).- The US and Poland

Secretary of State Rice giving the news to president Bush in her usual maternal way.

signed a deal to place a US missile system just 115 miles from Russia, which US secretary of State claims does not represent a military threat to Russia.

“Just because it’s next to Russia, and it’s been agreed just after the Russian invasion to Georgia, and it’s right in the Russian sphere of influence, doesn’t mean it represents a threat to Russia. It is in our defense that we do this,” commented Rice.

When asked about further clarification, she replied “why, it’s obvious that if we put a missile system next to Russia, it’s because we’re preparing a defense from an attack from Iran, not Russia.”

With respect to the Russian comments about a possible pre-emptive attack on Poland for accepting the facility, Rice developed, “such comments border on the bizarre, frankly. The Russians are losing their credibility. This is not 1988, it’s 2008. In this age, you just can’t do pre-emptive attacks on countries in order to destroy a weapon system that is not there on the excuse of self-defence without international sanction.”

Poland, like Georgia, has contributed 2,300 soldiers to the Iraq war and 1,600 to Afghanistan. Polish Prime Minister Donald Duck hopes to have a better protection than the former soviet republic. “After what happened to Georgia, we don’t want to fight the Russians with half of our army somewhere else,” he commented.