Obama says, among other things, that McCain will “say anything.”

Tampa, FL, October 20th, (Reuters).- Democratic candidate Barack Obama gave a speech at Tampa, Florida,

Obama accepted that the rumors that he received money from abroad are true. "Yes, Oprah contributed, but no name calling, please," asked the candidate.

in which he said many different things in order to appeal to voters. One of them was an attack on McCain, claiming “he (McCain) will say anything, do anything. Now, is there anything you’d like me to say or do?”

He also claimed that the race will tighten as it comes to a close. “That’s what happens at the end of campaigns. Even when there are substantial leads. We can still snatch defeat from victory, so don’t underestimate us. You know, Hillary Clinton is not the first politician to declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ too soon.”

He also spoke about the attacks that he has received lately, mostly from Sarah Palin. “Look, I’ve been called worse on the basketball court.”

He also spoke about the recent endorsement given to him by the former Joint Chief of Staff, Colin Powell. “Until now, I was afraid that he’d join the ‘Blacks against Obama’ group, which, fortunately, is very small. Just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson.”

An updated Reagan comment brought cheers from the crowd, “At this rate, the question isn’t just ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago?’, it’s ‘Are you better off now than four hours ago? The crisis has even affected me and my campaign: I’m accepting change now.”

He ended his speech with a simple comment: “I’m a little too awesome.”

The Palin-McCain ticket goes showbiz. McCain stars on Letterman. Palin on SNL.

New York, NY, October 17th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an effort to both reach a wider audience and get

Republican candidate John McCain with his first guest David Letterman, laughing at Governor Palin's latest gaffe.

sympathy from voters, the Palin-McCain ticket has gone into showbiz, starring in famous shows that cover a much bigger audience than their political debates could ever have. Both shows are based in New York.

McCain now stars in his own show, called “The Late Show with John McCain.” To the surprise of everyone, the first guest of the show was its former host, David Letterman.  They talked about the two items that American people care most about: Palin’s qualifications and Obama’s relationship with Ayers.

“They (Obama and Ayers) are driving cross country and having dinner together,” claimed McCain. “And amongst Governor Palin’s greatest qualifications, the best one is that she has stood up for the truth and reminded this (the Obama-Ayers connection) to the American people. And don’t miss her in the next SNL. She will wipe the floor with Tina Fey. Yes, that one.”

When Letterman started asking harder questions, McCain interrupted him, “It’s not the time to raise anyone’s taxes, except yours. I guarantee you when I become president, I’ll do it. First executive order”

“I’m sorry, I screwed up,” apologized Letterman.

McCain finished the show announcing that tomorrow’s guest will be Joe the Plumber.

On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin, from the Palin-McCain ticket, will become a permanent member of SNL, substituting Tina Fey who has recently been impersonating Palin.

“It’s about darn time I showed all them (Hockey Moms and Joe Sixpacks) who the real comedian is, and who the person who has palled with terrorists and wants to raise your taxes is,” said Governor Palin, confusing the attacks she was supposed to aim at Fey with the ones she’s been aiming at Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Joe the Plumber stars in Microsoft’s new videogame “Joe Bros.”

Holland, OH, October 16th, 2008, (Reuters).- Microsoft has announced that Joe Wurzelbacher will be

Joe Sixpack will be the brother of Joe the Plumber and will use red and blue colors to avoid confusion and lawsuits with a famous green and blue clothed videogame character.

the new star of a new videogame that will come out on November 4th, “Joe Bros.”

The game stars a new character named “Joe the plumber”, who has to go through several stages and complete tasks in order to earn money. Instead of a time clock, a bar dubbed “distribution of wealth” will follow Joe constantly and if it catches up with him, his money will start to be taxed more.

In the first stage, called “Plumbering the Union,” Joe the Plumber has to go through pipes and clean them in record time in order to obtain a plumbing license.

Later, in the “Drowned in documents” stage, Joe the Plumber has to fight against Demokoopa Troopas and legal documents in order to rescue a plumbing business from being overtaxed.

Finally, in the last level, “King Obawser”, Joe the Plumber fights King Obawser himself by evading his policies and cutting the bridge to nowhere in order to make King Obawser finally fall in the polls.

If a second player joins the game, he will take the role of Joe the Plumber’s brother: Joe Sixpack. Both characters can take Maverick Stars that appear at certain locations in the game to turn invincible for a while. They can also take secret Alaskan Oilpipes to drill their way to higher levels.

Madonna gets a divorce.

London, U.K., October 15th, 2008, (Reuters).- In an interview with The Sun, Madonna confessed that she and

Madonna also spoke about looking for a female companion next. "I'm willing to go over the Borderline, even if I have to Take a Bow. It feels like a little prayer."

director Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce.

How do you feel about being single again?

Like a virgin.

We know you caught Guy and a younger woman together in a bar, what was your first reaction?

Who’s that girl?

Really? And what did he answer?

Beautiful stranger.

What did Guy tell you when you announced your decision to get a divorce?

I’d rather be your lover.

Did your son with him, Rocco say anything?

Papa don’t preach.

How was your sex life with Guy?

Ain’t no big deal.

Why? Does he miss something?

What it feels like for a girl.

What would you prefer?

Deeper and deeper

I see, anything else?

Hanky Panky.

Did he ever call you names?

Material girl.

Do you think that was uncalled for?

I deserve it.

What are you going to do after your present tour is finished?

Holiday.

After this, what do you think of marriage?

Vogue.

“Yes, Obama and Democrats are ahead by 6%, we’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahaha”: McCain.

Virginia Beach, VI, October 13th, 2008, (Reuters).- John McCain has changed

Levi Johnston and Bristol together in a Palin-McCain speech at the Republican Convention. "Fortunatly, Gov. Palin lends us her baby so we can practice parenthood while we have our own," commented Johnston.

his rhetoric, claiming that the Democrat taking an advantage of 6 points and leading in all polls and battleground states has been part of his master plan all along.

“My friends, I have some wonderful news for you. Let me give you the state of the race: We have 22 days to go, we’re six points down, the national media has written us off and Obama and Pelosi are already preparing their clothes for the victory speech. We’ve got them just where we want them, mwahahahahah,” explained the Arizona senator.

“Excellent,” replied millionare and contributor to the Palin-McCain campaign, Montgomery Burns.

Elsewhere on the campaign trail, Levi Johnston, Palin’s future son-in-law, spoke about his future marriage with pregnant minor Bristol Palin.

“We’re both love each other and we both plan to have a happy normal married life. I will drop out of school to give my baby the best. I hope he’s a boy and I look forward to having him. I’m going to take him hunting and fishing and gay bashing,” explained Johnston.

He also said his infamous Myspace page was only a joke. “My friends created it and I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I can’t even use a computer, but Senator McCain and I plan to take internet classes together.”

Regarding his political views, Johnston said he was as clueless on the topic as her future mother-in-law is. “I like that guy Obama, but I’m cheering for the Palin-McCain ticket. I just hope she wins. She’s my future mother-in-law and being in office with take her off my back for some years.”

Sarah Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin finds Sarah Palin innocent of power abuse.

Anchorage, AK, October 10th, 2008, (Reuters).- Sarah Palin was found

Sarah Palin winks to the cam as she announces that she found herself innocent of all charges. "Well, darn it, we sure showed 'em how to conduct a six-pack style investigation, didn't we, fellas?"

innocent by the commision formed by Sarah Palin to investigate the accusation of power abuse which had been filed by Sarah Palin against Sarah Palin.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s officials released their report yesterday that clears Sarah Palin of any wrongdoing in the firing of Stormtrooper Walter Monegan.

Sarah Palin is the subject of a legislative investigation into whether she abused her power as governor by firing her public safety commissioner, Stormtrooper Walter Monegan.  Monegan, says he was dismissed for resisting pressure from Palin’s husband, Todd Palin, to fire state police officer Mike Wooten, Palin’s former brother-in-law, and who, according to Palin “made my sister miserable even though she gave him the best years of her life.”

Lawmakers are expected to release their own findings today. Campaign officials for McCain and Palin said the legislative investigation is filled with partisanship and is politically bent, so it’s not objective or fair anymore.

“Sara Palin’s investigation on Sarah Palin, on the contrary, has nothing to win or at stake politically and therefore, it’s objective, reliable and truthful. By the way, Sarah Palin found Sarah Palin innocent,” commented McCain spokesman Taylor Griffin, who distributed the campaign’s report.

Griffin said the report was written by the McCain-Palin campaign staff and based on public filings and interviews with a completly unattached and objective witness: Todd Palin.

National Debt Clock runs out of digits.

New York, NY, October 9th, 2008, (Reuters).- In a sign of the fundamentals

The dollar currency symbol was replaced with a "1". By the way, you and your family owe $90,000.

of the American economy not being as strong as one’d think, the National Debt Clock in New York City has run out of digits to record the growing figure.

As a short-term fix, the digital dollar sign on the billboard-style clock near Times Square has been switched to a figure — the “1” in $10 trillion. It’s marking the federal government’s current debt at about $10.2 trillion. In case of doubt, the average American can aslo see how much his or her family owes.

The Durst Organization says it plans to update the sign next year by adding two digits. That will make it capable of tracking debt up to a quadrillion dollars, which is not that unrealistic. They will add two digits to the family share figure as well, just to keep up for the first half of 2009.

Two new superheroes come to rescue America: Liberating Liberal and Mega Maverick.

Washington, D.C., October 8th, 2008, (Reuters).- As of today, America will be safer than ever, as two new

Liberating Liberal and Mega Maverick are here to save the day.

superheroes just came out to defend American economy (from Bush) and attack the terrorists (in Iran).

Liberating Liberal vowed to protect Americans, and in particular middle class Americans and their wallets from evil villians such as Texas Terror and Viceful Vice. His powers include almost instant teleportation, (for example, he can go from St. Louis to Kansas City in a blink), magnetic fields handling, (which he uses to disarm people who cling to their guns) and mind controling (to bend the press’s will his way).

Mega Maverick, on the other hand, is out to attack all those who might give reasonable probability that in the future, they may or may not harm America. His main enemies are Iraqi Iranian and Eevil Eenternet. His powers include force barriers (to protect his sidekick, Hindering Hockeymom), self-cloning (to visit all of his houses at the same time), and immortality (so that he can stay in Iraq for 100 years).

Each of them is accompanied by a sidekick. Liberating Liberal is assisted by Bumbling Biden while Mega Maverick is accompanied by Hindering Hockeymom. Their powers are not as impressive. Hindering Hockeymom has invisibility, which she uses to escape from “gotcha” media and appear only in safe places, while Bumbling Biden does best when he does nothing at all.

Federal Judge orders release of Chinese Muslims from Guantanamo.

Washington, D.C., October 7th, 2008, (Reuters).- A federal judge ordered the Bush administration to

Two Uighurs still in prision. It's unknown whether in China or Guantanamo

immediately free 17 Chinese Muslims from Guantanamo Bay into the United States, rebuking the government in a landmark decision that could set the stage for the release of dozens other prisoners in Cuba.

U.S. District Judge Ricardo M. Urbina said it would be wrong for the government to continue holding the detainees, known as Uighurs, since they are no longer considered enemy combatants, and who have been jailed for seven years without a trial, despite calls from government lawyers who claim they would be jailed without a trial if sent back to China.

“Because the Constitution prohibits indefinite detentions without cause, the continued detention is unlawful,” Urbina said in a ruling that brought cheers and applause from Uighurs and human rights activists. He also ordered a hearing for next week to decide where the Uighurs should be permanently settled. Until then, they will work in sweatshops in D.C.’s Chinatown.

Justice Department attorney John C. O’Quinn’s request to delay the decision pending a possible appeal was denied by Urbina, who said the detainees had waited long enough. “One would think that if they’ve spent 7 years in jail without cause, surely they can wait there for a few weeks more,” said O’Quinn.

The Uighurs, who are Turkic-speaking Muslims in western China, have been cleared for release from Guantanamo since 2004 and ordinarily they would be sent home. But they haven’t been sent back to China because they are considered terrorists there and could be tortured. “Under those circumstances, we’d rather have them considered terrorists at Guantanamo and have them tortured there,” said O’Quinn.

Despite bailout, stockmarkets fall faster than Bush’s popularity. “The economy is going to be just fine”: Bush

Cincinnati, OH, October 6th, 2008, (Reuters).- The bailout plan that the

At the end of the conference, president Bush played the guitar for some coins. "The way things are going, none of us might have a job soon," he commented.

president just signed, created the opposite desired effect, a sell off that triggered losses in all markets in the world, including a drop for the Dow Jones that hadn’t been seen since 2004. This was in addition to an unprecedent streak of bank closures, mergers and sell offs.

The president made some unscheduled comments both in San Antonio and in Cincinnati to soothe the markets and breath confidence back into American financial institutions.

“Frist of all, I don’t see America having problems. The economy is growing, productivity is high, trade is up, people are working. It’s not as good as we’d like, but  — and to the extent that we find weakness, we’ll move.”

“I believe that in the long run, this economy is going to be just fine.” Pointing to some business owners that were with him, he added, “The bill I signed is a big step toward solving this problem. Had we not done anything, people like these folks would be a lot worse off. As it stands, they are just bad and miserable. Fellas, I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”

He also spoke to some reporters and citizens gathered to show that he cares. To a divorced mother of three, he said “You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that’s fantastic that you’re doing that.”

To a banker who asked him if the bailout would be enough, he answered, “We got plenty of money in Washington. What we need is more priority.”

As a closing statement, he added, “Let’s make sure that there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy.”